caregiving of husband with GBM IV

I am trying not to complain, but caregiving even to the one you love the most on earth is so darn hard emotionally.  I look at my husband and love him so much, yet sometimes I find my patience is not there and feel like I am at my wits end.  I know I have to treasure every day we have together, and we've been married for 37 years and he has had this diagnosis for 20 months, but I am emotionally drained.  His personality is so different, and yes I know its the cancer, but it really is so very difficult and my heart breaks a little more every single day.

Kim,

I know you posted this months ago, but just tonight I was feeling the same way - you said it so perfectly. I feel so many emotions in a day, I am exhausted. When I watch my husband struggling to do just the smallest task, my heart aches because I love him so much, and I want to hold him and protect him. But on the other hand, he isn't the same person who has been my best friend for almost thirty years. I miss him so much.

Sue

On Sep 14, 2012 6:43 AM suzanne55 wrote:

Kim,

I know you posted this months ago, but just tonight I was feeling the same way - you said it so perfectly. I feel so many emotions in a day, I am exhausted. When I watch my husband struggling to do just the smallest task, my heart aches because I love him so much, and I want to hold him and protect him. But on the other hand, he isn't the same person who has been my best friend for almost thirty years. I miss him so much.

Sue

I know how you both feel. I lost my love of 35 years the day he was dx. We only had 3 very short months. I didn't know what was coming and thank God, that the didn't have the mental capability to know either. Treasure every second with your loved one, It doesn't matter if it's cleaning , cooking, just sitting beside them telling them it will get better. Just be with them and love them. You can't get them back once they're gone.

Sue,

Only those of us going through this can understand how you can miss someone while they're still here...

I'm new at this, my 43 y.o. husband was diagnosed with GBM in June.

I can't seem to explain to family members how exhausting this is, even on the best day. . .

Lisa

I think one of the hardest parts - among hardest parts, that is - is having to lie when people ask "how are YOU doing?". I'm pretty sure if I answered truthfully, I wouldn't have any friends.

Sometimes I just want to scream and let all the horrible feelings out and say all the things that keep me up at night. But it probably wouldn't make me feel better, and it definitely wouldn't make me wake up from this nightmare.

And then there are thankfully, some good days when I think okay, I can do this. Today is not that day, but my fingers are crossed for tomorrow.

I'm so glad there is this place to vent!

Hi Suzanne,

You know what I think....it's ok to tell the truth.

I lost my husband to brain cancer 3 weeks ago and I thought I would have a nervous breakdown. I looked at my self in the mirror and I actually said "who is this person" because I was so mentally and physically drained, I could not recognized myself anymore.

I understand........yes, there are some good days but they do not make up for the bad days........unfortunately, but I was glad to get a good day once in a while.

Vent anytime you want, we are all here for each other.

Rose

Thank you, Rose. Really.

Sue

On Oct 11, 2012 3:26 AM rmwhope wrote:

Hi Suzanne,

You know what I think....it's ok to tell the truth.

I lost my husband to brain cancer 3 weeks ago and I thought I would have a nervous breakdown. I looked at my self in the mirror and I actually said "who is this person" because I was so mentally and physically drained, I could not recognized myself anymore.

I understand........yes, there are some good days but they do not make up for the bad days........unfortunately, but I was glad to get a good day once in a while.

Vent anytime you want, we are all here for each other.

Rose

 

hi rose i am so sorry i lost my husband 3 weeks ago oct 30th to brain cancer that spread from his lung i was his only caregiver and did it alone with the help of god without him i would have been in a mental hospital my husband was so sweet and careing never once yelled at me and lived for me and his family untill the aweful cancer took it away i miss him so much somedays i dont know where to start i shared 31 yers with him and at 54 years old he was to young