scared new caregiver

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scared new caregiver

by candeekisses on Sat Jul 07, 2012 04:37 PM

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i just found out my mother has lung cancer she is 55 and is already frail and weak we have always had a love hate relationship because she was always a alcoholic and hasnt been the greatest mama i am in recovery from a drug addiction due to years of pain medicine from many surgeries and my mothers mental abuse towards me is a big trigger for me but now she needs to move in with me cause she has noone else i mean i have a brother and sister but it seems they dont wanna do it i have 2 children and work  im not being selfish but i dont know if i can handle watching my mother suffer in my home in front of my children im so confused im also diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety issues and am not supose to make big decisins due to my huge personality changes and manic episodes what do i do my dad died a few years ago and i had a nervous breakdown and had to be institutionalized i want to be there for her but dont know if im capable please anyone that is in this situation help me

RE: scared new caregiver

by thebyrdsfriend on Sat Jul 07, 2012 04:50 PM

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I am so sorry to hear of your Mom's diagnosis.  I'm afraid, dear, that this may just be too much for you to handle on your own.  Given your own personal medical history, it may be wise to seek out some help from social services in your area.  You say your brother and sister don't "seem" to want to do it.  Well, you just never know unless you ask.  You need to be honest with them, and tell them EXACTLY what you've told us here.  Surely they must realize that your own situation is fragile and that  they need to step up to the plate. 

Check out your mom's health insurance and see if there is a hospice she may go to.  I don't know what her prognosis is, or staging, or even the type of lung cancer she has, so it's hard to help you with suggesting hospice.  But, if she is in the end stages, hospice should be able to help.  Is she getting treatment?  Or is she past any treatment options? 

I worry about you though.  You've been institutionalized once.  Do you  really want to put yourself in the position to jeopordize your sobriety?  Do you really want to put your health at risk?  You may want to help with your mom, but you can do that if she is in hospice, or at a sibblings home.  But at this point it seem un-wise for you to take this on by yourself in your own home.  You have 2 children to think of, and a job to keep.  I personally, in your possition would not risk my mental health.,  You must think of your kids, do they need to see you go down the path you've already traveled?

I hope you find help from someone, or hospice, or social services.  To me the risk far outweighs your desire to be there for your mom in your own home.

Take care dear, I'll keep you in my prayers for God to guide you to the wisest choice, and send help for your Mom.

Byrd

RE: scared new caregiver

by cwild7903 on Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:07 AM

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You must take care of your own health first.  You can't take care of anyone else if you are sick.

Now the best advise I can give is seek out help through local social services.  I began by seeking out medicaid for my husband.  That lead to long term community care.  I don't know what services are available in your area or what your personal finances will allow, but look at the DHHS website for your area and see what you can find.  This stuff can be a real minefield but there is help out there.  Also as I read on another post, ask your siblings for help.  This burden should not be down to you alone.

Love and best wishes to you and your family

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