Mom depressed after CA sx....

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Mom depressed after CA sx....

by CherlinPA on Wed Sep 12, 2012 01:58 AM

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 I may need advice or therapy, or both but here goes.....my 78 yo mom is recovering from whipple surgery over a month ago.  By all accounts, we have been so blessed with the outcome of her treatment.  Everything is positive except my mom's attitude.  Before this, she was independent and living in her own home.  Since her diagnosis 9 months ago, she has been living w/ my me and my family. I know depression is common after a major surgery, but I am really worried about her. I realize that she is feeling helpless and not in control, AND it hasn't been long since her surgery. To add to this problem, I have a sister with marital and financial problems and an estranged father (recently returned because of mom's illness). 

My mom's only wish is to return to her home and have her old life back.  This may be a problem since it is far away and too much for her to take care of.  She is considering the idea of moving my dad back in w/ her ....I think she is desperate and grasping at any solution.  This man has been married 3 times after my mom and my sister's life is a mess.  They burden my mom w/ their problems and she worries and loses a weight.  I don't think she should be worrying about all this....I think she should focus on her recovery.  I love my sister and father, but they are both "takers" and have, in the past, only cared about themselves.  What should I do?  My mom wants me to agree to all this....but it is all against my instincts.  I have no hatred or grudge....I just don't think my mom can endure another dissappointment involving sister or dad....especially my dad. My mom has strong emotional attachment to her home that she worked to pay off after my dad left. The home a alittle $ is all she has left.  She has never been one to trust anyone completely......My husband and I have moved heaven and earth to get her the best treatmeht and care for her. I (we) feel betrayed and hurt.  I know it is "her" life....any insight or advice as to what I should do????  It is weighing on my mind because it is interfering w/ her great recovery....she won't let this go. Should I ?

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