But whether that's good or bad isn't yet clear
by Hopefull_prayin on Sat Oct 27, 2012 01:09 AM
I cry myself to work on the 40 minute drive, tuff it out during the day since I have 50 students to worry about, and then work till I am tired enough to go home and go to bed and cry my way all the way home......im 13 hours away and its killing me not to be there....I have to wait till next week and I feel like a horrible person......my mom was suppose to move down here at the end of this month and instead she found out the cancer progressed after undergoing radiation and chemo all summer........im filled with pain, anger, and confusion......to watch her go through it, to be the one who took her day in and day out and reminded her to take her chemo medicine.....i feel horrible because all that pain i helped her go through didnt help but seemed to hurt......i wonder hwta would have happened if i encouraged her not to go through the treatment.......i wonder what would of happened if i had quit my job to go take care of her or had made her move down here sooner.....but now my family thinks she is better off up north because there are more people to take care of her.....i feel like a failure for being there for her, for helping her.....
im also so selfish that im not ready to loose her, i dont want her in pain.....i want some miracle that will never happen......i want her to have the future she wanted....to be able to watch all her kids grow up get married and have her grandchildren......i want to be able to call her and hear her voice.......
im just rambling but no one i know understands what i am going through right now.....so conflicted.....i just wish i could of gotten a cheap ticket this weekend but i have to wait to next weekend......
i just want to make it all better and i cant.....
by zelda1 on Sat Oct 27, 2012 02:07 AM
I feel for yo as I Love my mum so much too. just one step at a time an your not rambling . have to say it !!
by Julie2011 on Sat Oct 27, 2012 03:18 AM
I am so sorry for what your going through. Your mother knows how much you love and care about her. I am sure she realizes just what a good daughter you are to her. You have a right to feel pain, anger and confusion. This is not an easy situation for you or your mom.
So what are the doctors saying?
Have quality time when your with your mother - more important than quantity.
God bless you, you and your mom are in my prayers. Julie.
by unite on Sat Oct 27, 2012 06:22 AM
You're feeling what any caring daughter would feel. Putting those feelings out there to a community such as this is a good thing; more people than you know sympathize and are praying for you and yours.
by ginarittenhous on Mon Oct 29, 2012 05:55 PM
hopefull,..i read your postand started crying,,my mom also was diagnosed w/pancreatic cancer..isee what your struggling w/ i chose to quit working to helptake care of ma,,i still have a lot of anger in me how the small town drs,,blamed her symptoms on diverticulits,,when she was diagnosed w cancer,,it crushed all six of her kids,,now lookn back on it i think all the late night talks toward the end iswhen ireally got to know her ..its been almost four years and if i clda done things differently i would have ,,it hurts when you see such a strong woman just wilt away,,you feel helpless...she not once complained,,about the pain,,she did ask me one night during an emergency trip to the hospital,,,why didnt thedrs,notice this early,,,all i cld tell her is i dont know ma..hopefull,youll find youve got more in you than you think,,i did ,,,id give anything to be sitting beside her rubbing her back,,it helpd toward the end,,and i was the one to say when she had enough,,i told the nurses it was time to ease her pain,,,she had thestrongest heart even after they up her morphine,,,she hung in there,with all of us beside her..for a few hours,,stop second guessing your self,,i did that in the beginning,,,
by pantoray52 on Thu Nov 01, 2012 06:59 PM
My mother passed away last year from lung cancer. My mother never smoked. She was diagnosised in March and passed away in August. She also when through chemo and after 6 sessions, the cancer spread. They suggested radiation, but she refused. My mother only when through the chemo for us. She was already in stage 4 and the doctors didn't give it much of a chance, but her 7 children felt any chance was a chance.
After watching what this strong woman went through, I began to wonder if we were right in our request. My mother was 800 miles from me so I could not get there to see her often. She passed away one day before my husband and I were to arrive. That hurt!
One year later I am still mad, upset and felt that the misdiagnosis in the beginning may have saved her life. Since my mother never smoked, they did not do a chest xray for 6 months and continued treating her for a sinus infection. Really!!
My mother was my best friend and my life and I still hurt. Its true that you live with grief. Its not your fault, never forget that. Remember the good times and ramble all you want, it's your mother. Talk to her and tell her how much she means to you and always tell her you love her. God bless you and your mom! This community is here for you.
by bestfriendmom on Thu Nov 01, 2012 07:25 PM
You and your mother are in my prayers. It must be very hard for you to be so far away from her. You have to know that she know how much you love her and that you want nothing more then to be there for her. I have two brothers that live far away from my mom and I know that they would love to be her to help take care of my mom but they can't because they have lifes of their on some where else The one thing that I know is tht my mom understands that and she doesn't want them to give up their lives to take care of her.
I wil prayfor you.
by grantkwok on Wed Nov 07, 2012 11:37 AM
My mum is 3 hour drive from me. Doctor said this is her last a few month. I can't quit my job as I have to raise my daughter and wife. fortunely I am allowed to take 2 days off each week to accompany her. I support her on mind by telling her some real story of recoeved people. She is optimistic each time she see me around and is willing to take Curcumin and Ginsenoside RHS therapy, though she strongly refuses chemo and radi.
Hope her feel the warmth from families and be confident to be longer with us. No one can get ready to let mum leave. I can't accept the reality neither.Trying all our best to get her better life of last stage, is the only way we won't be too sorry. I have my mum as everyone else.
by grantkwok on Wed Nov 07, 2012 11:39 AM
I love my mum as everyone else. I pray for all mum in illness.
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