I am sorry

I am sorry mom .  Each time I gave you Atavin or Morphine I hate myself  and I hate to see your tired eyes.  I know these medication are not making you better but making you comfortable. We hoped we beat this but we are close to the end.  It might be tonight or next month but it is close.  I really wished to lose you in your sleep but it seems you have to see it all.  Pain and more pain.  I never see that one day will hope you to go soon so you will suffer less.  Peace

Nina,

So sorry that you are at this point with your mom.  Do NOT hate yourself for giving her medicines that alleviate her suffering.  It is merciful and she is blessed to have you there doing it.

My Randy also had an end that was far less peaceful than I was hoping.  I was praying that God would take him as he had suffered so much.  At the end, it was morphine every hour and Ativian and Haldol.  I had just finished giving him more morphine when he threw everything up and shortly took his last breath.

Hang in there!  I hope your mom's sufferings ends soon and that you find peace.  God bless,  Sally

Nina78,

Just pure understanding.......

HOPE

Damon

Hugs.  I was there too last summer with my mom - ovarian cancer.  She brought you into the world, and you will usher her into the next, right by her side.

Take care and God Bless.