Finding it tough

My father in law has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer which has spread to lymph nodes and liver, no treatment plan and meeting the hospice nurses tomorrow, nobody seems to know how long he has left but it doesn't look good, on paired diet at the moment and sleeping a lot. Still manages to get out for a little trip in the car but these are getting more difficult, looking really for any support I can get. Thankyou

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My Father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 9 months ago. He's going through aggressive chemo. He's only 60 years old and was in great health so his doctor felt he could with stand the chemo. It's no cure but they are hoping to buy him some time. I've heard wonderful things about Hospice but I know it's so scary to make that step. Why wasn't treatment possible? My Dads cancer had spread all over his liver and lymph nodes. Hang in there!

On Dec 11, 2012 10:09 PM Sue1956 wrote:

My father in law has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer which has spread to lymph nodes and liver, no treatment plan and meeting the hospice nurses tomorrow, nobody seems to know how long he has left but it doesn't look good, on paired diet at the moment and sleeping a lot. Still manages to get out for a little trip in the car but these are getting more difficult, looking really for any support I can get. Thankyou

So sorry to hear about your father-in-law, prayers go out to you and your family.  If you use Facebook, please join the Esophageal Cancer Awareness Association - I just joined this group, they are very active and caring.  My husband has stage 4 EC.

Lisa

Thank you for your kind words Lisa I will do x

Hi so sorry to hear about your father, it must be such a shock at only 60 years of age, my father in law is 82 and they feel that it's too late to use chemo etc so our only option is to keep him as settled as possible and pain free, thankfully at the moment he is pain free but the hospice nurses have said they can help with that when it arises. My hopes and prayer go out to all cancer sufferers and their families and hoping for a stress free end to my fathin in laws life, I will certainly do my best to make his last months comfortable xxxxx

I wish we had a different reason to be a group, but here you are in the EC Stage IV world.

ditto on the facebook site, lots of people there.

There is a crossroad whether to treat or not to treat. Assuming from your message he has decided (not told by others that there are not treatments,there are, make sure this is what HE wants)

So assuming he doesn't want to go through treatment here's some experience from our journey. (my husband,50 was dx at Stage IV mets to liver all quadrants) He did treatment and got 6 extra good months, which we will always cherish.

You still have to fight to get him good care. Many medical people seem to be almost afraid of EC. He has the right to take this journey with what dignity you can provide him.

You have choices with your hospice nurses. We found they were 50/50. Meaning some were burnt out, some were good. If you don't feel they are a match for him, tell the service and ask for another. (Our Onco social worker was very helpful)

Try to keep some part of the day active. Have him walk around, try to keep reading the paper or some type of material.

You'll need to make decisions about fluids and feeding tube. Again this is your decision, becareful that you are not rushed into stopping these items, especially fluids.

In our case we needed to keep the GP invovled. He was more concerned then the Oncologists about doing things that were best for my husband's daily care.

Join your ambulance committtee/member it ususally costs under $20 and you may need it.

Suggest fining moments to enjoy what he wants to enjoy,movies, music, the sun rise, a good conversation.

Go easy on yourselves as caregivers. It is hard, but you all love him, so you'll do it, and you'll get through.

Feel free to contact me if you want.

Well christmas has now passed and it was awful to imagine that this may be our last as a family, mick was very emotional on Christmas Day and looking to do more and more with the grandchildren, as if he is making memories for them. Finding this all very emotional too and my husband and I are finding it tough