Another Goodbye

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Another Goodbye

by suzanne55 on Thu Dec 13, 2012 11:09 PM

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My husband passed away on Sunday the 9th. His tumor location in the brainstem, affected his ability to swallow and he contracted aspiration pneumonia.  Over the course of a month, he would improve because of the antibiotics, and then aspirate again and relapse.  It was so horrible to watch him trying to ignore the illness and keep trying to get up and get stronger. He was in the hospital when they told us that there was no hope.

We brought him home where he wanted to be, and he waited for our oldest son to get home from college five hours away. There were a lot of people around that morning - visiting nurses and people stopping by. Finally, everyone left except for our two sons and me.  We were sitting around his bed telling him we would be okay and that we would always take care of each other. I told him he was the best friend I would ever have. Then we started talking about family stories and the best skiing day ever.  One of our sons said, "I don't think he's breathing." It was just like that, peaceful and surrounded by love. 

I am still in a daze. I had fifteen months warning, but I still wasn't ready.  I'm so afraid of the waves of grief that keep washing over me.  I'm afraid if I start crying I won't be able to stop. It's hard to imagine the rest of my life without him. I suppose that's why we should take it one day at a time. Sigh. I hate this effing disease!!

RE: Another Goodbye

by oswegodeee on Thu Dec 13, 2012 11:20 PM

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On Dec 13, 2012 11:09 PM suzanne55 wrote:

My husband passed away on Sunday the 9th. His tumor location in the brainstem, affected his ability to swallow and he contracted aspiration pneumonia.  Over the course of a month, he would improve because of the antibiotics, and then aspirate again and relapse.  It was so horrible to watch him trying to ignore the illness and keep trying to get up and get stronger. He was in the hospital when they told us that there was no hope.

We brought him home where he wanted to be, and he waited for our oldest son to get home from college five hours away. There were a lot of people around that morning - visiting nurses and people stopping by. Finally, everyone left except for our two sons and me.  We were sitting around his bed telling him we would be okay and that we would always take care of each other. I told him he was the best friend I would ever have. Then we started talking about family stories and the best skiing day ever.  One of our sons said, "I don't think he's breathing." It was just like that, peaceful and surrounded by love. 

I am still in a daze. I had fifteen months warning, but I still wasn't ready.  I'm so afraid of the waves of grief that keep washing over me.  I'm afraid if I start crying I won't be able to stop. It's hard to imagine the rest of my life without him. I suppose that's why we should take it one day at a time. Sigh. I hate this effing disease!!

I feel your pain Suzanne55, I lost my beloved David to pancreatic cancer, although it was not totally the cancer that caused him to pass but it was the Chemotherapy which was way to toxic for him to handle. My husband has been gone since October 25th 2012, and I still am in a daze and indeed the grief is not much better as yet. Most of the time it is a thought or a word or a song or a place that we loved. And yes, I hate this effing disease as well. It takes so many before nature can. I truly think it is our food sources. I pray you can take one day at a time, that is exactly what I do.

With sympathy,

Dee

RE: Another Goodbye

by angel1959 on Fri Dec 14, 2012 12:03 AM

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I lost my husband on October 30th to lung cancer/brain mets not a day goes by i dont think about him and cry It is going to be a sad holiday season for alot of us this year mine used to say he wised he could make it till christmas he didn,t even make it to thanksgiving it isen,t fair i tell my daughter everyday our grandson was only 3 months old i lost my dad on dec 7th 14 years ago to cancer and had to go through with it again with my husband somehow someway they have got to find a cure my husband donated his body to make things better on me and i am going to wear a part of him around my neck in a heat shaped locket that says allways in my heart because he said he loved me with all his heart and i said the same 2 days before he died 

RE: Another Goodbye

by Bulley1 on Fri Dec 14, 2012 12:29 AM

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Suzanne55,

The steady stream of goodbyes never ends.  So sorry/sad for you and your wonderful sons.  Sounds like he waited until he was surrounded by those he loved most to cross over.  May your memories and his love surround you.

Pam

RE: Another Goodbye

by pipperpain on Fri Dec 14, 2012 12:34 AM

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suzanne55

i am so sorry for your loss.  I am also a widow and the cruelest thing people can say is it will get easier.  It's been near two years and i still miss my denny terribly.  He was gone in a heartbeat, the night of my first chemo treatment.  1000 whys go unanswered.  I ask god why and then i thank him for not having him suffer.  we never even knew he had heart trouble.  i've faced this cancer without him as stongly as i can because that is what he would have w anted me to do.  I am doingwell with the disease.  I was diagnosed at stage 4, did the chemo and have been doing very well.  hang in there.   there are answers to our why's   we just have to wait an eternity to get them.  love  linda

RE: Another Goodbye

by ChasTn on Fri Dec 14, 2012 01:19 AM

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Suzanne,

First, your husband passed under the best circumstances possible!  Talking about good times with family at his side.

What caused his passing is not important! You will never get over his passing, but one day you will be together again.

Chas 

RE: Another Goodbye

by suzanne55 on Fri Dec 14, 2012 01:49 AM

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Linda,

I'm so sorry you have to deal with cancer and grief at the same time. And I am sorry for your loss. You must be an incredibly strong person!  I'm glad you are doing well with the disease.  Thank you for your kind words.

Sue

RE: Another Goodbye

by jon4156 on Fri Dec 14, 2012 04:03 AM

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Very sorry to hear this news Suzanne.  No matter how "prepared" you are it doesn't help ease the pain of losing someone you love so much.  There's a big difference between anticipating what is to come and the reality of finality when it does.

RE: Another Goodbye

by never-too-late on Fri Dec 14, 2012 04:23 AM

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Dear Suzanne; I too lost my husband and soul mate last year on 12-23-2011. We were very blessed that our two sons were there to walk with him on his journey.....his cancer had also spread to his brain, we found out the horrible news on 12-16-2011....they gave him two weeks, but God wanted him sooner. We had 6 months to prepare for that day..but there isnt enough words, treatments, etcc to ever prepare you for the end. I miss him more every day and this Christmas is very hard as it is the 1st....last year was a blur....funeral, shock, etc. Take care and may the sun shine upon you and your family to warm your heart. Sincerely Cindy

RE: Another Goodbye

by suzanne55 on Fri Dec 14, 2012 06:22 AM

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Thank you all for your kind words. I know time will take some of the shock and pain away. Hopefully, for all of us.  XX Sue

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