I'm tired!!

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I'm tired!!

by Jeffs_wife on Sun Dec 16, 2012 03:38 AM

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I really feel bad but I'm really tired of being a caregiver!!! I feel like I have lost everything and I feel like I have lost myself. I have been my husbands caregiver for 4 years and now he is really being mean and Im really tired I want to throw in the towel and just quite!!! I want my life back like it was before this Monster came into our life!! I know it's not him and I shouldn't feel this way but I'm tired I just need my husband back. The man that I married!!!

RE: I'm tired!!

by lvsgem on Sun Dec 16, 2012 04:18 AM

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I can relate to your comment soooo much. My husband is also an alcholic, for the past 4yrs I have done everything!! ork, clean, cook, worry about the bills and all he does is sit in his chair. I wait on him hand and foot, and now he has cancer he has been a little nicer but I have no control over any personal things friends etc.. and he feels like he is trapped..sometimes very very hard.

I see you have kids, love them  take some time for yourself even if it is a hot bath or what I like to do is go to the library when I want to get out of the house.

the sad thing is I will give him valium etc.. just so I can have some peace and quiet.

Best wishes my prayers are with you

linda

RE: I'm tired!!

by never-too-late on Sun Dec 16, 2012 04:40 AM

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Dear wife, dont beat yourself up...this is a good place to vent....we have all gone thru this in some form or another and this is the place...we hear you and feel your frustration....please dont quit. You know that you will be there till the end, for better or worse, love will keep you strong. Pray to Jesus for strength and we will pray for you. Godd bless you dearest wife.

RE: I'm tired!!

by Sheriffme on Sun Dec 16, 2012 05:33 AM

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It has been published, that people that are overly sedentary, are more prone to disease, than those that are active. It sounds like he gave up on Life and on You, a long time ago.

Maybe, he subconsciously, wanted to die all along. Maybe, couldn't love himself, much less anyone else. Just a thought. Take Care.

RE: I'm tired!!

by angel1959 on Sun Dec 16, 2012 11:33 AM

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Who isen't tired I was not a caregiver for years i only had a short 5 months but i spent 31 years with my husband for better or for worse sickness and in health I lost many of nights sleep and took care of him .I slept in the daytime with him not one harsh word was said to me he loved me and thanked me everyday for the care i gave him i looked to god for my strength and he gave it to me i had to lift him feed him bath him give him his meds because he could not walk to to his brain cancer .I just put his shoes on me he was helpless and could not do a thing when things get tough the tough keep going my husband is gone now and has been for almost 2 months and this is my first holiday season without him and i would do it all over again to have him back enjoy the time you have with your husbands because you only get 1 chance show them love like never before it is not them it is the cancer that does things to them when things get ugly read a book take a bath or a short walk outside while they are sleeping They need you more than ever devote your time to them you won't regret it i don't regret one minute for all i did to take care of the love of my life and to take care of his needs before mine because i knew i had more time than he did and believe me after thay pass you will miss everything about them and your heart will be shatted in a million tiny pieces mine is

RE: I'm tired!!

by angel1959 on Sun Dec 16, 2012 11:44 AM

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I wanted our lives back too before the word cancer came into it but that would have never happend make the best of the time you have with him at least you had him 4 years i lost mine after 2 years and when it went to his brain it was all downhill just 5 short months and he was gone i lost many of nights of sleep and i would do it again if i had the chance but you only get 1 so you have to do it right the 1st time we made memories laughed and cried together it is the cancer that changes them my advice is to love him like there is no tomorrow and give him the best care you can give him i did with no regrets mine passed on October 30th and the one thing that i hold on to is he was happy and loved and cared for in the best possible way i could have done and i have not one regret 

RE: I'm tired!!

by MJLSK on Sun Dec 16, 2012 04:24 PM

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I can relate to your post so much.. I have recently opened a new thread, please look it up dexamethasone = nightmare.. I have been my husbands caregiver for a little over a year now. It all started when I was pregnant with our first baby. She is now nearly 10 months and I am a nerve wreck at the age of 27. My fascinating life with the best husband on this planet got ruined in a blink of an eye. Everyone always admired us as a couple. We never argued, we had the same passions, i terest.. Everything. Now I cry everyday as I cannot accept that this is happening to us and that I don't know what it means to have a good and happy motherhood with a loving healthy husband next to me who comes back from work everyday and who I can tellwith excitement about our baby's achievements that we could both be so proud of.. I never had any of that. Not even a single day as my baby was born when this monster was already in my hubby's brain :(

RE: I'm tired!!

by MJLSK on Sun Dec 16, 2012 04:30 PM

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I can relate to your post so much.. I have recently opened a new thread, please look it up dexamethasone = nightmare.. I have been my husbands caregiver for a little over a year now. It all started when I was pregnant with our first baby. She is now nearly 10 months and I am a nerve wreck at the age of 27. My fascinating life with the best husband on this planet got ruined in a blink of an eye. Everyone always admired us as a couple. We never argued, we had the same passions, interests, everything... Now I cry everyday as I cannot accept that this is happening to us and that I don't know what it means to have a good and happy motherhood with a loving healthy husband next to me who comes back from work everyday and who I can tell with excitement about our baby's achievements that we could both be so proud of.. I never had any of that. Not even a single day as my baby was born when this monster was already in my hubby's brain :(

RE: I'm tired!!

by skately on Sun Dec 16, 2012 06:42 PM

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Hi MJLSK,

I can only imagine how hard it must be to learn your young, devoted and  energetic husband has cancer.  You are so young to face such a horrible illness.  It must be very hard for him, too. Things happen to us in this life that we don't always want.  If you can stay upbeat and share everything you do, and the progress your little one is making,  your attitude may be reflected just like he was looking in a mirror. Try taking one day at a time and cherish the wonderful relationship you two share as long as you have each other. I remember my daughter once telling me  when I was going through a rough time, "Mom  find something to look forward to if it's only strawberry shortcake for dinner!" God's blessings upon each one of you.

RE: I'm tired!!

by jon4156 on Mon Dec 17, 2012 02:47 AM

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To Jeffs_wife, I know you are writing out of frustration and it's ok to get frustrated and express yourself.  I'm sure it's very difficult when moods change and he gets mean.  Others have complained about the same thing both here and in other forums, so you are not alone.  We know that it is the cancer affecting him causing those mood swings but that is shallow justification I'm sure when you are the target of those moods.

I wish we could get you back with the husband you married, I wish we could do that for everyone.  The reality is different however.  You are a good woman for looking after your husband all these years, a wonderful wife.  How lucky he is to have you.  I have a feeling you will find the strength to continue.

 

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