Need Some Answers

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Need Some Answers

by angel1959 on Mon Dec 17, 2012 04:58 PM

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I just recently lost my husband to Lung cancer that spread to his brain he had had lung cancer since 2010 and went through treatments last march and april he was fine untill this april 2012 and got really sick with seizures so when he went to the doctor and got a ct scan it was in his brain and all his lymph nodes and right lung was full of cancer it was the wore day of my life i knew we didn,t have much time with hospice care because everyone said is he that bad hospice don,t come till the last 6 months but i didn,t think anything of it in that way my life was turned upside down he lived 5 months and he passed away on october 30th 2012 i have good and bad memories and i was his caretaker full time i spent thanksgiving with our older daughter and held back my tears and this past week is so hard as christmas is a week away i will be staying home with our younger daughter .when i take her to the school bus i come back home and i cry everyday i feel so empty and alone i don,t go out much because i don,t want to i want to just stay in alot does anyone else feel this way is it normal ? what can i do to try to feel better i know my husband would not want me to be like this but i cant help it i spent 31 years with him and i just can,t help to feel this way

RE: Need Some Answers

by never-too-late on Tue Dec 18, 2012 03:33 AM

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Dear Angel1959; There is no fighting the tears and emotions. I was also married to my soul mate for 31 years. He passed away 12-23-11. And it is getting harder each day that Christmas gets closer. I have been in a blur this entire year and have often asked many on this site if and when it gets better....each person is different but the pain we all share is the same. Our hearts are broken/shattered and it takes time to put the pieces back together. Only the pieces that we want to come together again will never be the same.....I too know that my husband wouldnt want me to feel this way but I also know that it if I had died he would have been just as lost without me as I am without him. So go ahead and cry, pray to God and just ask him to give you the strength to make it thru the day. One day at a time, I cant look beyond that and for me that is enough for now. My heart is with you and your family. Someday soon I pray we will all be together again.

RE: Need Some Answers

by eastwest on Tue Dec 18, 2012 09:02 PM

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It is almost 21 months since Phil died. I thought I was doing better . Perhaps it is the weather or the season or just that the numbness is no longer with me. But the past couple of months I have cried more. I am not the lost puppy I was at first following my son around. Maybe it is just facing the reality of lose now. This grief is hard especially during the holidays. Irenr

RE: Need Some Answers

by pipperpain on Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:53 PM

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 the season definitely has something to do with it.  we always put up our tree, he shaped the branches and hung the lights, then the   kids and i did the ornaments.  there's no one here anymore.  the kids are raised and gone.  Denny is gone.  this is my second christmas without him.  I cried all through the last season, and this one is hard also.  It was his favorite time, we so enjoyed watching the kids and grandkids open their gifts.  Now I seem to sit alone and there is n o excitement.  I'm not even planning a special meal because  no one seems able to make it at the same times anymore.   But anyway, i really think the season has us down with feeling such a loss.   linda

RE: Need Some Answers

by humaniam on Sun Dec 23, 2012 09:50 PM

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I feel bereft this Christmas as well, as this is my first without my husband of 25 years. He died in March of lung cancer that had gone to the brain at the end. We didn't have children but were wrapped up in the season and enjoyed all the extended family get togethers and visits. I am struggling with trying to make a new "tradition" for myself, and try new seasonal activities that maybe we didn't do together. I do cry a lot but know I need to do that as well. I think the shootings in CT have really added additional grief on everyone this year, and your heart is breaking for those families as well. I think those of us who have lost a loved one recently feel their pain a little stronger, because ours is so fresh as well. I feel fortunate to have my mother still alive in her nineties and will go to her assisted living facility and try to spread a little cheer there with some goodies and treats for her friends. Hospice has been good for me as well, with counseling and support. Then I will escape and go to the beach for New Years after visiting in between with friends to exchange little gifts. I asked them to spread things out just so I would have little mini things to do during the days. I also think that grieving is an exhausting process and the more I rush around and get caught up in the seasonal chaos, the more depressed I feel in the evening. I had to just say no more, and rest up a little every day. That in itself was a life saver for my emotional well being. I went to the library and got a couple of girl books and I can escape into another world. My plan for tomorrow and Christmas Day is to watch Christmas movies on Netflix whenever the mood strikes and sort hunker down to survive.

RE: Need Some Answers

by angel1959 on Sun Dec 23, 2012 11:32 PM

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I think everything that we have been through has changed our lives and we feel someone elses pain so much has happened like you said with the shootings in schools at the movies and what i went through with my husband was the kicker I miss him everyday and will till my life ends I will be staying home with my youngest daughter and going to my sisters up the road for christmas i am planing a trip in the spring and summer I got a puppy last month for comfort and he gives that to me plus alot of work but he stands by me follows me everywhere he is growing everyday in to a nice young boy it is lab/pit bull and protects me already I pluged my little tree in today and went to church put a christmas flower at the alter in memory of him i got books to read and try to keep myself busy to all you caregivers that are taking care of your husbands enjoy everyminute you have them and allways tell them you love them and for the ones that lost their husbands this year my god all be with us and give us peace and comfort Merry Christmas to all of you

RE: Need Some Answers

by humaniam on Mon Dec 24, 2012 12:35 AM

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Merry Christmas to you too!
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