Dear Sharon, I'm sorry to hear of your Mother's condition. I can relate as my Mom at age 72 has broken both hips and lost her husband to congested heart failure all in the last 18 Months. Unfortunately, We had to place her in a nursing home as she also suffers from advanced Parkinsons disease and and is now developing dementia due her condition and medications. When medication is at it's full therapuetic level, She still gets up and walks like nothing ever happened. But for thr most part she is in a world of her own and I know she wants to go see her husband in heaven. I myself have terminal cancer and have been doing differennt chemotherapy treatment for 2 years now. My mom also new this before any off the above. Sharon it hurts so deeply when our parents become elderly and frail. It hurts when you have a conversation with them and know there is no connection at least verbally. I don't really know what to say Sharon, but did want you to know that there is many others in the same situation as us and and about the only thing we can do is take the cards we are dealt and play the emotional game of reality to the best of our abilities. With having terminal cancer myself, I've had to come to terms with living with it As long as I can. But I don't like it and it depresses me so bad. So, I agree about not telling your Mom as it could be a major factor as far as her mental state is concerned especially at her grand age of 87. I'm sure that others in the world would think differently as you well know. When it comes to facing our demise we all deal with it in our own way and the best thing children and others can do is be supportive emotionally and as far as the cancer if is his really advanced and metastic to other areas----well if it was my Mom I would not put her through the misery of any cancer treatment. Not at her age. Only pallative support for comfort and to ensure no pain. I say this from the experience I have had which I won't go in to detail except to say "what a Emotional Roller coaster!" And I'm strongly considering after this round of chemo of letting nature take it's course as after fighting for 6 plus years I have gone down hill emotionally and physically. I again would like say love and support is very comforting and for your self, don't feel guilty about any thing that you think you should have or not done. Do what your heart says. Be absolutely sure that you talk and share with as many friends ,relatives, clergy, and chat boards like this that is safe. Sharon my prayers are with you and your Mom. God Bless you Both and he'll see you through this time of life's challenge. Jeff G.