Nothing is the same

9 Posts | Page(s): 1 

Nothing is the same

by NINA78 on Wed Jan 16, 2013 12:54 AM

Quote | Reply

My beloved mom took her last breath surrounded by her children, and loved ones in Dec 01, 2012 at home.  When she left us I did not feel anything but relieved to see she was free of pain.  There was nothing I felt but numb for myself.  I do not know what happened to her but I felt I lost her forever!! I do not feel she is gone sometimes since I feel her presence.  I do not think there is anything after this life or even a god.  If there was god he/she would not let us to suffer like this.  Why do we all have to suffer?  After my mom's dex we did not have a life.  It was all pain, suffering, and more pain.  We tried to live each day to the fullest but when I look back most of them my mom did not even notice it.  It was physically/mentally difficult and painful.  I feel sorry for my mom went through all these when the outcome was the same.  

I pass by her favorite store, see, smile her favorite food, flowers and I think of her and my heart sinks.

I still come here and read the message board and see new patient dex with it and my heart goes to them.  I think of us got new hope with next treatment and going high and low that we had such a emotional rollercoaster.  Thinking miracle might happen. I am just in tears and cannot believe that I will have to live when I have lost my best friend, my rock, and my mother.   Our miracle did not happen but hope yours will. 

RE: Nothing is the same

by kat54 on Wed Jan 16, 2013 03:39 AM

Quote | Reply

Nina, I am so sorry you lost your Mom you might find some peace and comfort in a book "proof of Heaven".  It is written by Dr. Eben Alexander a neurologist.  He practiced at Brigham & Womens in Boston.  He directed my early treatment for GBMIV.  Prayers for you and your family. Kathleen

RE: Nothing is the same

by vwxyz on Wed Jan 16, 2013 06:10 AM

Quote | Reply

Nina,  Your Mom sounded strong for her family. She sounds like such a good friend, mentor, rock to you; and I am sure you will carry the memories of her in your heart always, and you will carry on most of her wonderful qualities in yourself. I know you miss her greatly and the grief can be overwhelming so soon.   

God did not make the cancer and suffering.  I too wish that research could find a way to fight this with inteligence with the least discomfort and find the complex reason why it happens and cure it. I seriously think I and my son will not see this in our lifetime. I take comfort in the fact that my son and I will see each other again after the Lord calls us Home.  I pray that you will take comfort in knowing this too.  God knows what is in your heart. 

Sending prayers your way, J.L.

RE: Nothing is the same

by NINA78 on Wed Jan 16, 2013 06:43 AM

Quote | Reply

On Jan 16, 2013 6:10 AM vwxyz wrote:

Nina,  Your Mom sounded strong for her family. She sounds like such a good friend, mentor, rock to you; and I am sure you will carry the memories of her in your heart always, and you will carry on most of her wonderful qualities in yourself. I know you miss her greatly and the grief can be overwhelming so soon.   

God did not make the cancer and suffering.  I too wish that research could find a way to fight this with inteligence with the least discomfort and find the complex reason why it happens and cure it. I seriously think I and my son will not see this in our lifetime. I take comfort in the fact that my son and I will see each other again after the Lord calls us Home.  I pray that you will take comfort in knowing this too.  God knows what is in your heart. 

Sending prayers your way, J.L.

I am very sorry that you are going through this with your son.  Sometimes it was so difficult to see her imobile/helpless once a vibrant, full of enery, and mother of nine that I would wish it was me and not my mom and then she asked me not to wish that upon a mother to see her child to go through this.  If your believe in god  is so strong maybe and hopefully you might see it. 

Thank you for your comforting words

RE: Nothing is the same

by bpp30m on Wed Jan 16, 2013 09:13 AM

Quote | Reply

Nina, everyone needs someone/something to lean on through these awful times, whether its your God, your family or even your memories....whatever works to ease the pain. Regardless of what it is, I hope you find your "thing" to give you peace.

matt

RE: Nothing is the same

by amydibello on Wed Jan 16, 2013 03:41 PM

Quote | Reply

Dear Nina,

I am so sorry and sad for you (and for all of us struggling to find peace and comfort). I am reading "Proof of Heaven" right now. I do find it comforting. I encourage you to read it and even say a prayer or two. You are not alone. The presence you feel when you pass your mom's favorite store and see her fav. food...is real. It is her comfort to you, as you journey through your pain on your own path. I am holding you in my heart and prayers.

Much light and love coming your way.

Amy

RE: Nothing is the same

by NINA78 on Wed Jan 16, 2013 07:40 PM

Quote | Reply

On Jan 16, 2013 3:41 PM amydibello wrote:

Dear Nina,

I am so sorry and sad for you (and for all of us struggling to find peace and comfort). I am reading "Proof of Heaven" right now. I do find it comforting. I encourage you to read it and even say a prayer or two. You are not alone. The presence you feel when you pass your mom's favorite store and see her fav. food...is real. It is her comfort to you, as you journey through your pain on your own path. I am holding you in my heart and prayers.

Much light and love coming your way.

Amy

Thank you Amy.  Yes I am very sorry for all of us struggled/ing/will. 

Nina

RE: Nothing is the same

by GerardT on Fri Jan 18, 2013 01:43 AM

Quote | Reply

On Jan 16, 2013 12:54 AM NINA78 wrote:

My beloved mom took her last breath surrounded by her children, and loved ones in Dec 01, 2012 at home.  When she left us I did not feel anything but relieved to see she was free of pain.  There was nothing I felt but numb for myself.  I do not know what happened to her but I felt I lost her forever!! I do not feel she is gone sometimes since I feel her presence.  I do not think there is anything after this life or even a god.  If there was god he/she would not let us to suffer like this.  Why do we all have to suffer?  After my mom's dex we did not have a life.  It was all pain, suffering, and more pain.  We tried to live each day to the fullest but when I look back most of them my mom did not even notice it.  It was physically/mentally difficult and painful.  I feel sorry for my mom went through all these when the outcome was the same.  

I pass by her favorite store, see, smile her favorite food, flowers and I think of her and my heart sinks.

I still come here and read the message board and see new patient dex with it and my heart goes to them.  I think of us got new hope with next treatment and going high and low that we had such a emotional rollercoaster.  Thinking miracle might happen. I am just in tears and cannot believe that I will have to live when I have lost my best friend, my rock, and my mother.   Our miracle did not happen but hope yours will. 

Greetings: I am sorry about your Moms's passing. I too lost my mom six years ago and miss her every day. I was her little boy and she raised me by herself. I can tell you that you will be able to think of her and smile when you think of those precious moments you shared together. It does get easier to want to remember those priceless and unforgettable good times and not cry. Believe me, the pain will subside over time and you will be able to laugh and cry too at the same time as you share those times with others. Doing so keeps her close to you always. She is never far from you. She is in you, in your DNA, and she is at peace. My daughter of 24 years is so afraid to lose her mother and is struggling. My wife, her mother is 62 and has gliobastoma stage IV. We are hopeful. She has always been spiritually strong and faithful. It is very hard, but for me and her, it is the cross we must now carry in this life. For how long? We don't know. But each day is a blessing and even when we are gone our love ones will carry on and live to the fullest as possible. That's what my mami wanted for me and that's what my wife wants for our daughter. I am sure that because od your strong and loving relationship with your mom, that she too wants the same for you. You are not alone. GerardT

RE: Nothing is the same

by loveiseternal on Sat Jan 26, 2013 10:36 PM

Quote | Reply

Nina,

So sorry for the loss of your beloved mother.  My husband Randy died a little over 7 months ago.  He suffered so much in his 28-month battle with GBM.  I struggle more with his suffering than with his death, as I believe in heaven and know that he is at peace and whole now.

I do have to say that the intense grief does ease a bit.  I have stopped thinking so much about the dreadful end.  The first few months, I just felt a heavy weight on me and kept picturing him in my mind suffering.  I had a beautiful dream that comforted me (read in the bereavement section) and I hope you get something similar to reassure you that she is now transformed and no longer suffering.

It sounds like you were a great caregiver and daughter.

We didn't get the miracle either.  I pray regularly for a breakthrough so others will not have to go through what our loved ones did.  I will contribute to the battle in some way.

Hang in there! Sally

9 Posts | Page(s): 1 
Subscribe to this message board discussion

Latest Messages

View More

CancerCompass Survey

If you were considering traveling for cancer treatment, which headline would you find more interesting?

Get $75 for taking a research survey

We care about your feedback. Let us know how we can improve your CancerCompass experience.