I Feel Like I'm Losing It...Please Help...

Broken my sister in law reminded me of how my dad must have felt after the loss of my mom they were together 46 years and were kids my mom was younger than my dad she died 4 months after being married for 46 years she had a stroke and he took care of her for 10 years cleaned , cooked did everything for her that was one time i seen him cry he never cried much all of us stuck by him he moved with my brother shortly after because he had prostate cancer and knew before my mom died mom knew he did and my sister said mabey that is why mom died first because if he did she would have went shortly after because he was stronger he lived for 4 years after she died in 1994 and he died in 1998 i lost both of my parents at age 39 and than less than 14 years later i lost my husband from cancer after i lost my dad to cancer i knew what is was going to be like to lose my husband and what he would go through the memories came pouring back from 14 years ago it was on fathers day of 1998 that we all had a dinner for my dad and he told me that there would be no more the following year i told him to hush but he was right he knew so fathers day of 2012 i knew i would not have another one with my loving husband i got him a little cake after church and took pictures and made all the memories i could last summer I will pray for you and all the others as i pray for myself for strength and comfort God has a plan for us we may not see it now and it will happen when we least expect it hang in there brighter days are ahead

I thought about being a aid in a nursing home to help others that can't help themselfs but i don,t know if i can cope with it my loss of my husband has caused me great truma and pain he has only been gone 3 months, and i miss him everyday I tried not to grieve much while he was living but it was hard not to God gave me the strength to stay by his side the last 12 hours of his life and i think i cried 90% of the time knowing he was going to die and i felt helpless. The hospice social worker said that you have to wait a year to volunteer and help other people that has cancer due to flashbacks and falling apart.My husband told me that i should do something to take care of other people because i took such good care of him but i said i did not know if i could do that because it was so hard to see him the way he was and to get close to someone and than have them die would be so much harder on me right now .Mabey someday i will know what my purpose in life is i just have to pray about it

Jackie Jo, I have been reading your writings for so long I feel as if I know you.  Everything to me is so new and raw, just absolutely devestating.  I was the one with lung  cancer, I was the one who was supposed to go.  He was my rock, my entire being, my truly other half, our souls truly were one.  I feel as if I've been torn open and the full engulfing love that joined my heart to his has just dropped out.  He died so fast, so un-expectantly, he had no symptoms, he looked and acted healthy.  What are we supposed to do when we were the ones who was supposed to go?  What can I do to make my heart heal.  I am so sorry for everyone's loss, I've tried helping others to cope.  It was never supposed to be this way.  Crushed is a word that can't describe how I feel.

Byrd

He passed away Jan 15, 2013.  In my arms, in my heart, and in my soul.  I am the last face he saw on this earth.

Dear The byrdsfriend, I am so sorry about the unexpected passing of your beloved husband.  I have read your positive posts over the last 16 months and you brought smiles to my face with your success fighting this beast.  Imagine his comfort in looking into your eyes as he completed his journey here on Earth.  What a blessing for him.  Now you need to take some time for yourself to think things over.  No one is prepared for the death of their most treasured friend and spouse.  Even when they're terminally ill, one is not ready. I will keep you in my prayers, and know that your precious husband is experiencing a joy we cannot fathom.  Tina

to everyone responding to this message.  I am so very sorry for everyone's loss.  We were lucky enough to have the one that was best for us and we should be grateful for that.  I miss Denny terribly i would give my life, my bank account and my home to have him here if not for me for the family that loved him so dearly.  But we had the best, remember all the people we meet who are so unhappy in their marriage, we didn't have that.  God gave us the best and remember, he only takes the best.  I am grateful for the years we had, it's been nearly 2 years and it doesn't get better.  When people ask me why i'm not going out at night i tell them there is not a man on god's green earth that could ever take his place.  We are seperated for a time but i hope i will be with him again.  Hang in there my friends.            linda(pipperpain)

Linda, my heart breaks for what you went through.  I have this mental battle wondering if my husband had passed quickly/instantaneously from a heart attack, would that have been better than watching him fight and suffer for a year?  All of JP's male relatives have passed from heart attacks, so I guess I was figuring he would pass in his 70s or 80s of one, too.  For him to have gotten lung cancer was right out of left field.  Never a hint of sickness, just a big, strong man full of life.  It is comforting to know our husbands will be there to greet us when Our Lord calls us by name.  I don't like the thought of spending the rest of my life alone, but compared to eternity with him, I can do this.  We were blessed to have had incredible husband to cherish us.  Many women will never know and cannot understand what we have had.  We are blessed. One day I will have grandchildren and my life may be full again.  Prayers being sent your way...Tina

I know just how you feel. My husband passed away 3 1/2 years ago and everyday is still a struggle. We did everything together. He was only 51 years old.He was kind, caring, and helpful to all. There are no words to describe losing someone who you shared your life with each and every day.

Oh he was so young,..51.  JP was 56, but still way too young.  We had planned so much for his retirement and all the things we were going to do with our future grandchildren.  All plans were cut short from that wicked c.  It is devastating to be alone in this world.  I know we have our children, siblings, friends,and possibly parents, but they're not our day to day life.  I am really struggling today.  I am feeling like I need to go home. I am a teacher, and usually my students keep my mind very active and the day flies by until I drive home.  Then I feel the pain and loneliness.  For some reason, today is not working out so well.  My students are on a field trip today, so my mind is beginning to revert to sad thoughts.  Damn!  I hope this doesn't sound selfish, but it is a bit comforting to know all of you can relate to me in that you're going through it, too.  I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, but thank all of you for being here for support.  I am back to one minute at a time today. :(    Tina    How does this happen after 16 months???????

Next week will be only 3 months since i lost my husband of 31 years at 54 years old I know how you feel Tina i wake up some mornings and don,t even know where to start TGIF I have a teenager at home and i struggle when i take her to the bus to come back home to a empty house and him not being in the bedroom when i open the door and struggle with all the pain he was in and watching him wither away.I made potato soup in the crock pot i have never made it before and he made the best but cooked it on the stove I just cried and prayed for strength and comfort because only god knows what i am going through his 55th birthday is coming up on the 29th jan and the day after marks 3 months since he died .I don't know how we go on even to put one foot in front of the other is so hard somedays I have not been out of my house since monday my daughter had a eye appointment i just want to stay in this shell he said he did not want me to grieve to much and go on but it is hard to go on I feel for you and all the others that have lost our loved ones that were so dear to our hearts we were sosposed to grow old together hold hands on the front porch i guess that is only in the movies. I remember before he died the bucket list was on and we wre watching it i cried so much he was having seizures also and leisions in his brain from cancer that went from his lungs to his lymph nodes and brain Try to have a good day I pray everyday for all of us here we all have such a bond between us because we can all truly feel each others pain Julia