Handling grief

My Aunt was the same age as me when she lost her husband. They were never affectionate but I think most of that was the way she was raised. Though I was raised for yrs in that household so go figure that i am a huggy I love you person. But when my uncle suddenly died I didn't see her break like I have. She just kept on keeping on.There was only one time I actually saw her cry. And then she made a comment about 9 months later at Christmas saying she would have liked an old pair of socks from people. At the time I thought...how ungrateful!  I had spent about a month cross stitching a beautiful picture for her. But now I think it was the way her grief came out. Today I made myself walk the park trails even though it was only 20 degrees out. I haven't really been out the past week as I've been taking care of an ill grandson so his mom and dad can got to work. And i have been feeling lower. But as I became cold I thought numbness will follow. And I would be grateful for numbness again instead of pain.   Irene