Tears of sorrow

13 Posts | Page(s): 1 2  Next 

Carolynbmaes Carolynbmaes
(Inactive)

Tears of sorrow

by Carolynbmaes on Sun Feb 10, 2013 06:30 AM

Quote | Reply
A place I cry is in the shower bent in half with the water running so my husband cannot hear me. Reminds me of a song "I only cry in the rain" . So very true I am afraid . As a caregiver I always doubt myself of doing the best I can . May God give me Grace !!!!!!!!

RE: Tears of sorrow

by Tr3314 on Sun Feb 10, 2013 12:32 PM

Quote | Reply
I know how you feel. If I might ask could you tell me about your situation?i won't hurt my feelings if u say it's none of my business. Im pretty sure I can relate to you in some way.

RE: Tears of sorrow

by TakinCareOfMom on Sun Feb 10, 2013 03:45 PM

Quote | Reply

On Feb 10, 2013 6:30 AM Carolynbmaes wrote:

A place I cry is in the shower bent in half with the water running so my husband cannot hear me. Reminds me of a song "I only cry in the rain" . So very true I am afraid . As a caregiver I always doubt myself of doing the best I can . May God give me Grace !!!!!!!!
I'm sorry you are placed in whichever situation you are in that you have to hide your tears but I understand completely. I am my husbands caregiver(he's a wounded warrior) and as of late I am my mothers caregiver she has ovarian cancer and I am also a mother of a 16yr old and as the backbone of this household I have to be strong. I use to cry in the shower also but just know that it is ok even if they see you cry, I was told after breaking down it was good then they knew I was human haha a joke. I'd been going strong so long and detached, that I guess it appeared I was only doing what needed to be done. You are not alone ever, please remember that. I don't know if this helped any but sometimes for me knowing someone else knows what I'm going thru helps, and I'm positive if your protected your family from your tears you are doing a great job being a caregiver, even in your sorrow your protecting your love ones. It's hard not to second guess yourself sometimes but it seems to me your doing great. Take care and stay strong.

Carolynbmaes Carolynbmaes
(Inactive)

RE: Tears of sorrow

by Carolynbmaes on Mon Feb 11, 2013 03:08 AM

Quote | Reply

On Feb 10, 2013 3:45 PM TakinCareOfMom wrote:

On Feb 10, 2013 6:30 AM Carolynbmaes wrote:

A place I cry is in the shower bent in half with the water running so my husband cannot hear me. Reminds me of a song "I only cry in the rain" . So very true I am afraid . As a caregiver I always doubt myself of doing the best I can . May God give me Grace !!!!!!!!
I'm sorry you are placed in whichever situation you are in that you have to hide your tears but I understand completely. I am my husbands caregiver(he's a wounded warrior) and as of late I am my mothers caregiver she has ovarian cancer and I am also a mother of a 16yr old and as the backbone of this household I have to be strong. I use to cry in the shower also but just know that it is ok even if they see you cry, I was told after breaking down it was good then they knew I was human haha a joke. I'd been going strong so long and detached, that I guess it appeared I was only doing what needed to be done. You are not alone ever, please remember that. I don't know if this helped any but sometimes for me knowing someone else knows what I'm going thru helps, and I'm positive if your protected your family from your tears you are doing a great job being a caregiver, even in your sorrow your protecting your love ones. It's hard not to second guess yourself sometimes but it seems to me your doing great. Take care and stay strong.
Thank you for your reply. My husband is very sick with cancer waldenstroms a rare blood cancer. He is going on year 4 and he is tired of suffering and is worried about me. If he sees me crying it makes him sad because he cannot fix cancer. He was always the rock and I was the air that flowed freely around him. Now he feels helpless as a man and a husband . I am tired too and have grown weary. I must pray tonight for more grace . I do know God has our days numbered and He doesn't give us more than we can handle . I thought losing all to Katrina was really bad but I didn't know how bad the future was really going to get. God Bless

Carolynbmaes Carolynbmaes
(Inactive)

RE: Tears of sorrow

by Carolynbmaes on Mon Feb 11, 2013 03:32 AM

Quote | Reply

On Feb 10, 2013 12:32 PM Tr3314 wrote:

I know how you feel. If I might ask could you tell me about your situation?i won't hurt my feelings if u say it's none of my business. Im pretty sure I can relate to you in some way.
Thank you for your reply. My husband has a rare blood cancer called waldenstroms. We are going on year 4 and he has bad days and not so bad days . He is depressed and fatigued a lot. To see me cry breaks his heart because he don't want to leave me alone. We are empty nesters. But he just wants me with him not the kids. Kids can visit but not real long because he wants me. He is like alittle boy and I am his mom. I went from a wife to a caregiver in the blink of an eye. All has changed. We have been through a lot together he has two kids I have one we have none together. Been together 20 years. We even got through Katrina losing everything but cancer.....forget it there is no fighting it. Cancer changes all . With cancer God is in control not us however I do believe in miracles. My husband is such a good man . I wish I had this cancer and not him . Do you know I wake up looking for the day to end so I can sleep again. When I sleep ALL goes away. I just exist in a world watching my dear husband suffer feeling so helpless so sad . Being a caregiver is a very lonely job. At least for me anyway. Always a black cloud hanging over us. I will end with this........they say its the landing that kills you not the fall.......I think it's the fall. God Bless and thank you .

Glitzy1294 Glitzy1294
(Inactive)

RE: Tears of sorrow

by Glitzy1294 on Thu Feb 21, 2013 03:27 AM

Quote | Reply

I am there with you.  The shower is my sanctuary.  I have a 9 month old and my husband has a stage 4 brain tumor that he is fighting. I feel like the shower is the only place that I get to myself.  I know it's ok to breakdown in front of my husband and others.  But I feel like I'm trying to keep it together for everyone.  I feel the same way as a new caregiver.  My husband is active duty in the military and we are far away from both our families.  His family always questions whether I am doing enough.  But I feel like I am doing far more than they are offering.  Please know you aren't alone.

RE: Tears of sorrow

by SarahGrey on Fri Apr 05, 2013 02:08 AM

Quote | Reply

carolyn - hello there...  you said something in a post here that i've heard so often through life and yet i've always wondered about it.  that 'God doesn't give more than we can handle.'

hmm.  is that true?..  then why do people commit suicide?  they must have had more than they could handle, right?...  i dont know...  maybe that saying is just something people say so that we push on through to the next day.  for me, the only thing keeping me sane at this point is the hope and the belief that there's something after this.  there must be...  there has to be...  because to live a life with such suffering and have it be 'it' is a sickening thought.  to see the suffering so many people endure...  this surely can't be 'it.'  

oh.  i've gotten to rambling again.  what was the subject?..  lol...

ps - i've found you can cry at the sink when doing dishes as well...  well, as long as he's laying down or sleeping...  the water covers enough of the sobbing...  sigh.

Carolynbmaes Carolynbmaes
(Inactive)

RE: Tears of sorrow

by Carolynbmaes on Sun Apr 07, 2013 05:54 AM

Quote | Reply

On Apr 05, 2013 2:08 AM SarahGrey wrote:

carolyn - hello there...  you said something in a post here that i've heard so often through life and yet i've always wondered about it.  that 'God doesn't give more than we can handle.'

hmm.  is that true?..  then why do people commit suicide?  they must have had more than they could handle, right?...  i dont know...  maybe that saying is just something people say so that we push on through to the next day.  for me, the only thing keeping me sane at this point is the hope and the belief that there's something after this.  there must be...  there has to be...  because to live a life with such suffering and have it be 'it' is a sickening thought.  to see the suffering so many people endure...  this surely can't be 'it.'  

oh.  i've gotten to rambling again.  what was the subject?..  lol...

ps - i've found you can cry at the sink when doing dishes as well...  well, as long as he's laying down or sleeping...  the water covers enough of the sobbing...  sigh.

I just wrote you a book and it disappeared just vanished !!!!! I am too new on computers to know where it went. I am sure you can tell just how new I am because I put my life out there and I see others do not. I think it's strange that I don't even know the city's that people life in that I cry my heart out to. But it must be for safety ,oh well all knows what city I live in and other personal things I guess I should not have said. I mean first computer at age 54 that is so bad. Lol. I wrote God doesn't give us more than we can handle .....why did I say that because I was raised to believe that you know like here are some other good ones......what don't kill you will make you stronger, if you commit suicide you will go to hell, oh and I like this one ....if you don't eat all that is on your plate it is a sin., lol girl I could go on and on and on . All of those saying are crap. You know I do have more than I can handle that is why I am falling apart mentally and physically. Katrina didn't make me stronger and neither has this cancer I am so weak and so fragile . And finishing all on my plate we'll that's the problem now I do and could stand to loose twenty pounds. Here is the BIGDOG..... If you take your life you will go to hell........that scared me so much growing up I prayed I never knew anyone who would do that. Well in 2010 my beloved friend blew his head off. My beautiful happy green eyes beautiful smile perfect teeth handsome dear friend took his life. The killer for me is he tried to meet with me for two day prior and I told him I was too busy. He texted me late the nite before and I had just got my husband settled so I texted him .....too late another time. He drank all nite went home in early am hours went in his office and shot himself in the head. I was told the next day as I was leaving church. So what did he want to say to me? Could I had made a difference? Did he just need a friend he could trust to talk to ? I live with this regret everyday. I am a giver not a taker ,why did God let me turn my friend down . Where was my wisdom? I could not go to my spiritual mentor because he died of a massive heart attack the day after my husband was diagnosed with cancer in oct 2009. They said he was dead before he hit the floor. My beloved Father Thomas who mentored me for 15 years just gone out of my life. BLINK OF AN EYE MY FRIEND.....is my friend who took his life in hell....NO you see his state of mind was not right ,I mean no one just kills themselves . Their mind is warped for that frame of time and God forgives and brought him home. So he is now free with our Heavenly Father and at peace!!!!

Carolynbmaes Carolynbmaes
(Inactive)

RE: Tears of sorrow

by Carolynbmaes on Sun Apr 07, 2013 06:19 AM

Quote | Reply

On Apr 05, 2013 2:08 AM SarahGrey wrote:

carolyn - hello there...  you said something in a post here that i've heard so often through life and yet i've always wondered about it.  that 'God doesn't give more than we can handle.'

hmm.  is that true?..  then why do people commit suicide?  they must have had more than they could handle, right?...  i dont know...  maybe that saying is just something people say so that we push on through to the next day.  for me, the only thing keeping me sane at this point is the hope and the belief that there's something after this.  there must be...  there has to be...  because to live a life with such suffering and have it be 'it' is a sickening thought.  to see the suffering so many people endure...  this surely can't be 'it.'  

oh.  i've gotten to rambling again.  what was the subject?..  lol...

ps - i've found you can cry at the sink when doing dishes as well...  well, as long as he's laying down or sleeping...  the water covers enough of the sobbing...  sigh.

I was also brought up that if you worked hard all your life (as I did) and did good and tried your best always then you will enter into the GOLDEN YEARS where life is good and easy . Like that commercial where the older couple is holding hands and walking on the beach in pure bliss. For me my life has been so very hard and the older I get the harder it gets. I have lost major players in my life in the last several years including my beloved daddy who was MY best friend. The man I ran too like a little girl saying after Katrina "I can't do this anymore" and my daddy picking me up dusting me off and saying YES YOU CAN . And then my husbands bestfriend who cried like a baby when I told him my husband had cancer. Who came to my house and helped me with him everyday. Well he found a lump under his arm and within months he died of cancer, a cancer that was fast and furious at the age of 50. Who always looked at my husband as a father figure because his daddy died when he was 18 years old. But let me say this I do have a strong faith in Christ because ,my faith, no one can take from me. My faith is my hope ,my faith is all I have that I truly own. I am of no religion I am just a believer. I have friends that are priest, deacons, pastors, ministers . Why? Because I can go in any church and praise my Lord and Savior and I don't need a title of " what religion" to belong to me. I have a personal relationship with not a religion but with God.

RE: Tears of sorrow

by SarahGrey on Mon Apr 08, 2013 01:47 AM

Quote | Reply

there's so much i want to say to these messages - but i'm using my phone now and don't dare type a long message.  i replied to someone before and typed sooo much and as i hit 'send' it wiped out my message!  so, i had to laugh a bit when i read the system wiped out your 'book' as well!  sheesh.

i'll write more when i'm on my computer tomorrow.  ps - i'm from NJ  :)   but yes, i think the thing that helps us 'connect' and all be honest with one another here is the anonymity we have...  makes it easier and safer to a point...

have a good night my friend.   :)

13 Posts | Page(s): 1 2  Next 
Subscribe to this message board discussion

Latest Messages

View More

CancerCompass Survey

If you were considering traveling for cancer treatment, which headline would you find more interesting?

Get $75 for taking a research survey

We care about your feedback. Let us know how we can improve your CancerCompass experience.