the loss of my beautiful mother, I dont feel I can cope!

7 Posts | Page(s): 1 

the loss of my beautiful mother, I dont feel I can cope!

by faithandhope25 on Thu Feb 14, 2013 06:06 AM

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Hello all, first of all I do apologize but I just need to get this off my chest and I desperately need someone to talk too! I lost the most amazing mum in the whole world nearly 3 weeks ago to pancreatic cancer which had spread to her liver and other area's.  

I miss her soooo much the pain in my heart is unreal, it all happened so fast TOO fast! I only had 3 weeks with her after being diagnosed, and was with her pretty much every day, the doctors kept saying to people like my grandma ect that she was getting weaker.. but why couldn't I see it?? maybe I just didn't want to believe it! I would text/call her all day at work and then go to hospital straight afterwards! I did everything in my power to keep her positive, researched every possibility in the world to help her every day and every night, downloaded all her favourite music to try and give her more of fighting attitude (pink floyd always got her through everything! ) not this time :'(.

My mum was always such a strong woman, and even right up to the end always stayed strong for me and would ALWAYS eat in front of me as she knew it made me happy, she is my whole world and the only person who truly knew me and made me feel safe I just can't believe that in 3 short weeks of knowing she was ill she was taken from me! 

I keep asking why her?! why me?! why now?! IT'S NOT FAIR! im only 21 and need her guidance and warm arms so much! I feel totally terrified of everything and am scared im going in to a deep depression. . the only thing that is getting me through this is knowing my amazing mumma is now in peace and with god, with no suffering or pain and that does bring me some peace :-) I JUST MISS HER SO MUCH!!.

I hope when she was totally comatose bon the last times I saw her, she knew I was there and she could hear me I will never know but pray, I told her that this was all normal and she was fine, and would be out of hospital soon and enjoying my 21st birthday with me ans there was many places we are goibg to visit in the summer, I just couldn't bare her to be scared ect so even though I knew it wasn't true I judt wanted her to slip away thinking nothing of it and that she was just sleepy because of the medication. .

The funeral is in a week so hopefully after that I can have a bit more closure,  thank you so much for letting me rant and godbless you all! may you all find happiness and peace.

I love you so much mum always and forever so very close inside my heart!  ♥ x

RE: the loss of my beautiful mother, I dont feel I can cope!

by teresa04 on Thu Feb 14, 2013 06:20 AM

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i fill so sorry for you i don't know what to say to you.it is hard to lose your Mother at any age but at 21 that is just to hard .i hope somehow you can get threw this and go on and have a happy life the way your Mother would want you too.

 

RE: the loss of my beautiful mother, I dont feel I can cope!

by bushy on Thu Feb 14, 2013 06:47 AM

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faithandhope23

I lost my father when I was aged 15 two months after diagnosis of lung cancer many years ago,it threw my life in to turmoil, in those days there was no such thing as talking to some one about it, I took a long time to come to terms with it ,don't rule out having a chat with a professional person to help, grief is a very personal thing my heart goes out to you,Your Mum would want you to keep going and her memory will be in your heart forever

bushy

RE: the loss of my beautiful mother, I dont feel I can cope!

by lucky2Bhere on Fri Feb 15, 2013 06:29 PM

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Dear fathandhope25,

I read your message here with tears in my eyes. I am so very sorry for your loss. We do understand where your coming from. Many of us here also lost a parent at a tender age. I lost my Dad 6 weeks after he was DX with lung cancer not much older than you. I was Daddy's Girl. I was devasted for many years. I think I finally was able to stop crying everytime I spoke of him about 10 years later! Fast forward now, it will be 35 yrs on March 9th. I still miss him! I pray he is with me thru all my cancer treatments. I have thru the years had about 3 very vivid dreams of my Dad. Dreams so real, conversations with him that when I woke I felt so very good!

As to your WHY?? No one knows why.......... But, I feel after all these years that for the time I did have with my Dad I was truely Blessed!! He was a gift from God, I learned much from his kind, gentle, & generous ways. I tried to model my life to his. So many forks in the road happened because of my dad's passing. I can see that these would not have happened but because of the paths we had to take. Some of the greatest joys I have also had came from the moves we were forced to take.  They say you can not experience or appreciate the greatest joys of life without having to also experience the greatest sorrow. I'm sorry this is overly long. I just wanted to tell you, your mother was given to you for however long, as a gift, & she will always be watching over you with Love! You will grieve! You will ask Why, & you will never forget! Love brings the greatest joy, & then greatest pain. God Bless You Always!!! Love, Candy

RE: the loss of my beautiful mother, I dont feel I can cope!

by Paminnewbury on Fri Feb 15, 2013 08:35 PM

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On Feb 14, 2013 6:06 AM faithandhope25 wrote:

Hello all, first of all I do apologize but I just need to get this off my chest and I desperately need someone to talk too! I lost the most amazing mum in the whole world nearly 3 weeks ago to pancreatic cancer which had spread to her liver and other area's.  

I miss her soooo much the pain in my heart is unreal, it all happened so fast TOO fast! I only had 3 weeks with her after being diagnosed, and was with her pretty much every day, the doctors kept saying to people like my grandma ect that she was getting weaker.. but why couldn't I see it?? maybe I just didn't want to believe it! I would text/call her all day at work and then go to hospital straight afterwards! I did everything in my power to keep her positive, researched every possibility in the world to help her every day and every night, downloaded all her favourite music to try and give her more of fighting attitude (pink floyd always got her through everything! ) not this time :'(.

My mum was always such a strong woman, and even right up to the end always stayed strong for me and would ALWAYS eat in front of me as she knew it made me happy, she is my whole world and the only person who truly knew me and made me feel safe I just can't believe that in 3 short weeks of knowing she was ill she was taken from me! 

I keep asking why her?! why me?! why now?! IT'S NOT FAIR! im only 21 and need her guidance and warm arms so much! I feel totally terrified of everything and am scared im going in to a deep depression. . the only thing that is getting me through this is knowing my amazing mumma is now in peace and with god, with no suffering or pain and that does bring me some peace :-) I JUST MISS HER SO MUCH!!.

I hope when she was totally comatose bon the last times I saw her, she knew I was there and she could hear me I will never know but pray, I told her that this was all normal and she was fine, and would be out of hospital soon and enjoying my 21st birthday with me ans there was many places we are goibg to visit in the summer, I just couldn't bare her to be scared ect so even though I knew it wasn't true I judt wanted her to slip away thinking nothing of it and that she was just sleepy because of the medication. .

The funeral is in a week so hopefully after that I can have a bit more closure,  thank you so much for letting me rant and godbless you all! may you all find happiness and peace.

I love you so much mum always and forever so very close inside my heart!  ♥ x

I'm just crying with you and for you and wish I could give you a hug you poor girl this pain is so hard and when these things you see at the time don't register because of what your brain can cope with its so shocking , you shut off I did the same thing with my husband and cannot believe how I did what I had to do but I did it for him now my heart hurts so bad , how did I do it you need to cry and you need support and cry and cry xx

RE: the loss of my beautiful mother, I dont feel I can cope!

by faithandhope25 on Sat Feb 16, 2013 04:40 PM

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aww thank you so much to everyone that has replied to my post, we are all in the same boat and its all just still so surreal. . sorting out the funeral and other arrangements seems to be keeping me sane for today, I dread the 20th as that's her funeral :'(:'( for anyone who ever wants to talk to me on here and needs just someone to speak to im always here.. like my beautiful mother said to me just before she died "I will always be here for you, no matter what happens"... godbless you all and take care.. god bless mum forever in my heart hope to see you happy in my dreams!! xxxxx

RE: the loss of my beautiful mother, I dont feel I can cope!

by eternalife on Sun Feb 17, 2013 01:18 AM

Quote | Reply

Oh I am so sorry to hear your story, I can related losing my dad to brain ca in my 20s. No one can understand unless they have experienced the same thing. Our parents are the guiding force in our lives.

May you give yourself the space to grieve and may the good Lord be your light.

Best

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