Hi Chris & Lulu--
Everything seems to be going well. Yesterday I received a 6 page letter from my oncologist explaining what they found (actually didn't find) at my visit and all of the things I need to watch out for in the future. I've elected to return there for follow up even though its a good drive away as I feel more secure there. I've also elected to become a guinea pig in 3 different research studies because as they put it "not much is known about the lasting effects of the radiation." I figure it means better care for me and if it helps them understand what could go on for everyone in our position that's even better. My first study is on breast cancer--I have the same fears that you do Chris. They'll be doing both a mammogram and an MRI. They're trying to tell which test is more accurate for early diagnosis. With any luck I won't be much help because they won't have anything to diagnose right? But if they do they'll have two shots a year to find it early. The next study will be a cardiac study to see how my heart is holding up and then the last one is a lung cancer study. I had to laugh when they said that my overall emotional health was good and they were happy to hear my journey thus far had been positive but I may benefit from talking to a therapist or social worker there if I have anything I feel I need to talk through--I was tempted to call the number they supplied and tell them to stop sending me reports and research study invitations and I'd feel a whole lot better. But I've gotten too old I guess to ignore my past anymore and I would rather have them catch anything that should crop up early than wait until its too late. I just feel like a car that has over 100,000 miles on it and all the parts start going at once. Gotta keep the engine running....
Lulu I read your post and knew exactly how you feel right now. I'm sorry its taken me so long to respond I'm just getting back online now. I remember being where you are now and it's not silly--it's perfectly normal. The period that you are in now was the worst period for me. It was fairly easy to be sick. You do what you need to do to get yourself better and then once you get there you want everything to go back to where it was before you got sick. You're a different person now and and it's so hard to figure out how to be normal again. But you will create a new normal. I did some pretty destructive things trying to be "Normal" again--I went back to smoking and going out to clubs and doing anything I could to experience life. I figured my chances of having a family and normal life were gone anyway why not do what I wanted. And being the 4th child out of 5 in a dysfunctional family I had spent most of my young life taking care of myself. When I got sick I suddenly had people around me all the time and it was a jolt to not feel the daily support yet to need to be back by myself again. But in a little bit of time you will reestablish the balance inyour life. The fears, though always in the back of your mind, at least won't be nagging at you. It's okay to grieve your old life. But embrace the new chance. I've learned so much from all of this and I can't say it's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I am me because of it. And I'm a better me than I would have been before. If you've just finished treatments you need to give your body time to heal--not just from the Hodgkins but from the treatments, the stress, the fatigue...it took me about a year before I could say I felt good on a regular basis. As your body feels better your emotions should go back to "normal." If they don't you need to talk to your doctor. Even though it feels like it sometimes you are no more alone now than you were when you were undergoing treatment. They're just a phone call away and if you need help re-adjusting don't be embarassed to ask for it. After what you've been through--you're more than entitled.
Being pregnant the first time was nerve wracking but went very smoothly. The doctors get a little antsy when they hear you're missing a spleen and have had radiation but I wasn't restricted from anything until the last month. I was 5 years into remission when we started trying to get pregnant. It took us a long time to conceive--about 13 months of trying diligently although it was a fun 13 months! The best advice I got was to start taking the prenatal vitamins early while you're trying to get pregnant . I worried a lot about the amount of stress carrying a baby would put on my body but it made me diligent about how much weight I put on and what I ate. I walked daily during the nice weather and worked up until my 8th month. I did become pre-eclamptic but I had a normal vaginal delivery just one week early. When we were ready for our second it only took about 5 months to conceive her. Other than a few kidney stones in my 4th month that pregnancy went well too. Drink more water than you think is humanly possible. My third pregnancy was an oopsy. My second daughter had a rough start with a lot of digestive issues and we had decided two was more than we had ever hoped for anyway and we better not press our luck anymore. When she was 14 months old we found out we were pregnant again. I was on the pill at the time but had been taking antibiotics for a respiratory infection so we were also using another method of birth control and we were so exhausted from the first two kids and work and the holidays that I can tell you the exact date of conception because it was the only time we had had sex in two months. I had mixed emotions and didn't know if could handle it. A month later I started to spot and we thought I was losing the baby and it opened my eyes up to the miracle I could be losing. We went for an ultrasound and low and behold I was not losing the baby--I was having twins. At that point it just became funny and I was so relieved that everything was put into a new perspective. So if you're worried about infertility there is hope and miracles do happen. I have 4 beautiful miracles as proof. I carried the twins until the 8th month and they were born 4 weeks early, no c-section--perfect in every way.
It was nice to meet you both and I'm here if you need to chat--you just might have to holler loud as sometimes I don't get much time online. I'll check back again soon and I hope everything goes smoothly for both of you.