Living With Never Ending Treatment

Hi, just wanted to ask anyone who is living
with stage 4 illness, being treated as a chronic
illness, with never ending treatments, how they
cope. I have been living with metastatic breast
cancer that has spread to bones only. I have had
several spreads to different parts of my bones, with 4 rounds of radiation, hip replacement, 5 different hormonal medications. And now I am on
Xeloda. I have monthly infusions of Zometa. It
just seems to be very hard for me to ever get away from cancer. Other cancer patients seem to
do their treatments and go on with life, with
yearly check-ups. I find myself getting depressed because when I try to look forward to
the future..all I can see in more spreads and more treatment. I am getting battle weary. Does
anyone have any advice for me, that are in the
same situation. I have been battling for 6 years and I do know how lucky I am to still be
here, and I do try to take one day at a time..
but still find myself feeling hopeless..always
waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would appreciate any help given. God bless, Kathy

I just read your post. I have an uncurable cancer of the blood, and yes, I have to take treatments every 6 months for the rest of my life, it can be very frustrating, I know on our prayer board, we have several gals on there that have had breast cancer, I would like to invite you to come and join us, you will get some wonderful support there, we are like a fmaily, and really care about each other, someone is always around to chat with, and it is a good place to vent or ask questions, we laugh and cry together, and pray and praise, please feel free to come on board and visit us, I think you would really like it, God bless you and I will be praying for you Pat....--- Message edited by CancerCompass staff: for personal protection, website address removed. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html ---- I hope we see you there!

Hi Pat...thank you so much for responding to my post...it was very thoughtful of you to invite me to your site for support. It is a difficult thing to cope with cancer...but when treatment never ends and when you try to look to the future..and all you can see is more cancer and more treatments. I try very hard to be grateful and sometimes feel guilty when I am
not. I just get very weary...and continue to worry about dying and leaving my teen-age sons.
It is truly for them, that I continue to plug along. Anyway, thank for writing and I will visit your site....God bless you and keep you safe..........................Love, Kathy

Kathy I can fully understand how you feel, anyone dealing with cancer, has these same feelings,if we said we didn't, we would be lying, I think you would really enjoy fellowshipping with our little family, there is so much support there, and people understand, as they know what you are going through, there are some of us that still have cancer, then there are some that are survivors, but everyone understands exactly how we feel, I really hope you come and visit, I think the support of talking to others will help you so much, they are a wonderful group of people there, so caring and loving, they have helped me through some of the roughest years of my life, I pray I see you there! God bless you sis, Pat

 

On 10/11/2006 Babysteps4me wrote:

Hi, just wanted to ask anyone who is living with stage 4 illness, being treated as a chronic illness, with never ending treatments, how they cope. I have been living with metastatic breast cancer that has spread to bones only. I have had several spreads to different parts of my bones, with 4 rounds of radiation, hip replacement, 5 different hormonal medications. And now I am on Xeloda. I have monthly infusions of Zometa. It just seems to be very hard for me to ever get away from cancer. Other cancer patients seem to do their treatments and go on with life, with yearly check-ups. I find myself getting depressed because when I try to look forward to the future..all I can see in more spreads and more treatment. I am getting battle weary. Does anyone have any advice for me, that are in the same situation. I have been battling for 6 years and I do know how lucky I am to still be here, and I do try to take one day at a time.. but still find myself feeling hopeless..always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would appreciate any help given. God bless, Kathy

Kathy,  I noticed your post because I am also living with the chronic treatment plan, and though it scares the heck out of me, I am so thankful that there is still something to be done.  My biggest challenge will be when we run out of treatments for the disease.  I have metastatic ovarian cancer, 3 times returning to the liver and abdomen.  I am reluctant to take the harder chemo drugs again, to extend my life by 6 mos. or so, but with severe side effects.  So, I deal with lesser drugs, called salvage therapy, and count my blessings.  This christmas was the best ever, with a 5-month old grandbaby, so full of love.  It's hard to live in the now, but remember, you are not alone.  Make a choice to be happy.  Good Luck and God bless, Paula

   Thank you Paula for you message,,,I have been so busy with new treatment that I have not been back to this site for some time...I pray that you are still having some good quality to your life.....I am just trying to do the one minute by one minute,,,,,at a time life....some days are good and some days are bad,,,,,,but over all I am feeling well enough to enjoy what ever time God will allow me to have....thanks for taking the time to write.

                                                                      Love, Kathy

 

Kathy - I have been sitting here wanting to reply not sure what to say. I am on the other side of the cancer. My husband is dealing with the chronic treatments. I try to imagine myself in his position to better understand, but I know what is going through his mind is not even close to my thoughts. I look at him and see the bravest most determined human being. He is tired. Just plain sick and tired. We both pray for some miracle, but it will never come soon enough. He has taken some control ofhis quality of life. He knows when he can't handle the treatments. He delays some of his treatments because he feels too good and does not want to ruin his weekend or he just wants to have a couple more days of feeling well. He has been doing this for two years. I cannot imagine 6 years. I am not going to tell you what "A Brave Soldier" you are - just - I don't know. I can't really say anything about something I know nothing of.

Just know, I say prayers for you all and truly hope any words shared are of some comfort or support.

   I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to write with your thoughts and perspective of this continued illness from a care takers point of view. I do know how hard it is for the people that love me...I have much guilt about the limitations it has placed on me...especially with my kids..I worry because they worry...I put on a very big front with them....they are now teen-agers and it is harder to fool them anymore, especially with this latest spread and new chemo I am on. So, I do try to put one foot in front of the other each day and try to live as normal as possible.....I think we all need to be aware that this illness affects everyone in our world...We are in this together..and I need to remember to count my blessings,,when I start to get battle weary. Thank you again for taking the time with your kind words of support...it touched my heart deeply........................I wish you and your husband continued good quality of life....for however long that may be....Love, Kathy

 

 

Hi Kathy -  I just want to share something about the guilt you feel. Nothing can change the way you are feeling.This just shows how much you care.  I just took a leave of absence from work because I need time to catch up on some things. I was so afraid to tell Kevin because I knew how he would feel. This may sound odd to you, but I had told him for 2 days I just called out from work. When I did tell him,  he said to me, after sharing a few concerns, "I feel like I am taking away your life." I told him - If  I thought he was taking something away, I would have been gone a long time ago. It's called unconditional love. Now that I have said this, I realize it's nothing you have not heard time and again. If you had no guilt or worries then I suppose you wouldn't be surrounded by love.

Your kids, teenagers, as you said - know more than we would like them to. I believe they would like (once in awhile) for you to lean on them. Only just to hold hands or share some feelings. I know you would like to protect them from all this, but sometimes it makes us feel better to hear you on your bad days. lt's as if we are taking away some of your burden and some of the pain. To us, some of our days are just bad hair days. There is no sympathy when it comes to those we love and there is nothing we can do. It's our love for you and and the helplessness we feel is when we need you to share yourself with us. Once in awhile. We know you will always keep things from us. We wouldn't change it for anything.

So - now you know how much I am still very much In Love my husband! And on his bad days - well after he gets through them - and I know there are things I think he should have told me......I tell him, "Keep it up and cancer will be the least of your worries!!" (some people don't get how your sense of humor has to change!)

Love and hugs and lots of prayers - Sonda (And Kev too)