Trying to be a Friend

7 Posts | Page(s): 1 

Trying to be a Friend

by 17james on Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:00 AM

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i don't know really what to ask for, but i feel that i should be doing something to help me friend who's father has prostate cancer and secondary bone cancer in his femma. I was told about two years ago and since have been told various things. Mostly failures of treatments, such as chemo and radiation. Lately he has been given a blood tranfusion and says that 'he is feeling the best he has for a while'. But after being in a similar situation with my step-grandad i can kind of see this is the end of the road. Not being pesimistic but it's hard to tell because their attitude to live is really positive and it's hard to tell if there is actually a problem, even though i fully know there is. He is on morphine for the pain and his legs are swelled and painful. I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice, or some implications of a timescale or the next detteriation of his body. I'm not sure but i don't think that any internal organs are yet affected but the cancer is spreading. And after hours of research i know that main organs needn't be affected for this to be terminal. Sorry but i'd like to state im not religious and i find that it has nothing to do with this. Thankyou James

RE: Trying to be a Friend

by Melinda on Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:00 AM

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After just losing my mom and all my friends shying away from me the best advice I can give you is....to be there.

  Go over for a visit, help out with meals, drop off a meal so noone has to cook, go over for a coffee, just drop in. Don't wait for a welcome, many times I wished someone would walk through the door and no one ever did. I sat for 5 long months and the only help I had was from the Pallative Care people.

  This is going to be very tough on your friend, I think it's great that you are finding out information and being such a good friend.

  I don't know if your friend knows this, but on his behalf I'd like to say thank you.

 Melinda

RE: Trying to be a Friend

by Kehoops on Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:00 AM

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Try this link below.  The site is called Cirus of Cancer, and in the upper left hand corner, the site creator provides a ton of great tips on things one can do to help a friend with cancer.  The site says it is for breast cancer patients, but I find that A LOT of the suggestions could apply to ANYONE with cancer.  The site creator is a breast cancer survivor, hence the breast cancer focus.  But again, there is much here than can be applied to anyone with cancer.

Good luck.  Your friend is lucky to have you.

 

http://circusofcancer.org/

 

 

RE: Trying to be a Friend

by Wepayhopkins on Sat Dec 09, 2006 12:00 AM

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Ok, taking religion out of the equation here is what I know from what I have witnessed personally ( my husband is batteling two different forms of cancer) and educationally ( I am pre med) I can not tell you how long patients have, and neiter can a MD of Oncology. Every patient is different. This does not appear to be helpful, i am sure. But there are literally patients that have been told that you may have 6months to live, and in 5 months they do all that they can to make ammends, tie up loose strings, etc... and w/ a month left they just stop and focus on this is it and they sucome. and then there are the patients that are told the same thing, ans say " i dont have time to die", and they dont!, they live for years beyond the time tabe they were given. Cancer is a very personal battle for eveyone. There are no two identical cases that end exactly the same way. What you need to find out is what cell type of cancer does he have, is it indolent meaning slow growing, or is it advanced. what are teh best measure to insure quality of life over quantity, and are there support groups that both of you could get involved in. I do understand your wanting to take religion out of the equation, but i want to share something w/ you that one of my professors told me" all the data , and all the stats we have on terminal patients do not count the unexplainable things that sometimes happen". Your beliefs are your choice, and its ok, just understand that sometimes the patient needs to have faith in something, anything.

RE: Trying to be a Friend

by 17james on Mon Dec 11, 2006 12:00 AM

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Thankyou everyone, it means alot, i work alot because im retail and i try to balance my life with my partner and find it hard to get to see him out of sixthform, as you know christmas is peak season. But the interesting thing you said about religion is what you said, it's the faith that gives people strength. When i said i don't believe in religion is because i don't need faith, he does. I just want to know what is the best thing for me todo practically, because praying for my friend and his family isn't really doing much from my point of view, that's their part. To give themselves the strength and courage.

Thanks again

RE: Trying to be a Friend

by Wepayhopkins on Fri Dec 29, 2006 12:00 AM

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Just be there and listen and advocate, Knowledge is Power, and Attitude is everything. That just sounds awful, I know and yet it is the truth. Sometimes you just being you and being present is all you can do, and other days you will wear other hats such as his advocate. I commend you for wanting to do more, we would heak them if we could, and yet we can't Keep fighting the good fight with him, and know that you are not alone. Merry Christmas, Shawna

RE: Trying to be a Friend

by 17james on Tue Feb 20, 2007 12:00 AM

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Just an update really, has been a while since i posted but i took alot of advice and still am.

Unfortunately my friends dad passed away on saturday. I'm still trying to be there for him, as i know from previous experiences, his feelings have just become really chaotic.

 Life moves on really, it's a great loss, he was such a kind man. But it hurts to think of their youngest child at 13 years old. There so strong and will come through twice as strong.

Cheers

 James

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