Hello Harriet
Simply being there and touching him now and again is the best help and therapy you can give. I am a lucky liver cancer patient - I am currently at 26 months and it is just now starting to spread to my chest. I have daily pain but it is manageable and I too get crabby sometimes but try not to let this affect those around me too much.
Early on God gave me a wonderful insight into this "happens to the good people" thought - I was being asked by a tearful friend why I as a God loving man would have this when so many bad people walked around rich and healthy and he gave me a vision of me trying to explain this to one of my liver cells that I am constantly washing with chemo poison. Liver cells don't have a conciousness, they can't think and they don't even 'know' for certain that they are part of a living breathing being who HAS a conciousness, although they might somehow have a chemical soup sort of "feeling' that this is true. As such how can I communicate to them that the cancer just happened, and I'm doing my best to fight it and THAT is what is making life so hard on them? I can't any more then God can answer the seemingly unrelated questions we ask of him when we don't understand things that happen to us.
The good news is liver cancer is not as painful or debilitating as some other forms of cancer - it hurts and in the end your husband (and I ) will lose all appetite, start to jaundice (turn yellow) then sicken and die. In the meantime make lists of things he wanted to accomplish in life and see which you may still be able to do - then DO THEM! We all die someday of something - that we cannot change, but being blessed with some knowledge of how and about when those of us with terminal illnesses can make the most out of what we have.
You are a wonderful person to care and try to be there - it took over a year for my wife to accept that I was really going to die and start to deal with it, and some counceling before she could show me any affection and contact that I needed ... being there for someone in their hours of need is the greatest gift you can give. God bless you for being there!
John Bunton
On 1/8/2007
Paperharri wrote:
Hello:
My husband has Stage IV Liver Cancer and advanced Cirrhosis. Modern medicine seems to be at an end for him as it is inoperable, chemo is not effective on HCC and there are too many tumors for the thera-orbs. We are currently working with an herbal oncologist...do not see a lot of result for a month's involvement but it doesn't do any harm either. We have gotten involved with Hospice and that has seemed to bring my husband a great deal of peace of mind. They take care of ordering meds and equipment, relieving me of that responsibility and they seem to offer encouragement. They also have provided me with a sense of relief...having someone to call at any time. I am his primary care-giver.
It can be difficult at times as he gets frustrated and crabby but I remember he has a situation I do not...he is living the last of his days. He is having paracentsis (tummy taps for fluid) approximately every 15 days but is suffering from a lot of bloating, pressure of tumor growth and a bit of nausea. I would appreciate any perspective on the progression and what
may have been effective or helpful for anyone else that has walked this path. I too crued everyday for a while...now it's still daily but not constant. I pray a lot!
My prayers are with any walking this path.
Harriet