Dad Diagnosed With Nsclc - Need Advice!

My dad is just 53 years old and was diagnosed July '06 with stage IV adenocarcinoma of the lung.  His primary tumor is in the apex of his right lung.  There's several nodules in the right lower and 2 tumors in the left.  The cancer was also detected in his lymph nodes.  I am starting to have a difficult time dealing with it now.  It is so weird because he had no symptoms and the cancer was found due to an injury after a fall.  I have responded to others on these message boards, just saying stay positive and keep the faith!  That's what I was doing; it was much easier to do when I honestly thought my dad was on the road to recovery.  Now, it's not looking that way. 

I can't believe how fast cancer changes everything!  I broke down and lost it when the oncologist  said he could only prolong my dad's cancer with chemo.  I felt really bad because he is the one who is fighting the disease and I am being selfish thinking about the "what if's".  We have talked about that and he actually said that he's glad that happened, he never doubted it, but knows how much I really love him and care about him.

I am just 32 years old. I live in Michigan.  I am a stay at home mom and a nursing student.  I have 5 of his 7 grandbabies.  He is extremely close to my kids because the other 2 live in North Carolina.  He still doesn't want me to tell the kids yet.  I really want to respect his wishes (and have thus far) but my kids had a really hard time when my husbands mother passed away in Nov '05.  My kids are 1, 5 yr old twins, 7, & 9.  It was my 7 and 9 year old that took the news of their grandma the hardest (5 & 7 at the time).  My kids are soooo close with my dad, their papa.  They think things aren't the same because he hasn't fully recovered from his accident.  They don't understand why we can't just pop in anymore.  I never know how he'll be feeling when we're out and about, not to mention the germs.

According to repeated tests, everything was going well as of Nov.  Now, my dad is very exhausted, beginning to get the pain back in his shoulder, and is vomitting quite often.  Just 2 nights ago, He couldn't even lay down because it hurt to breathe. 

I have so many unanswered questions within myself.  All in all, I only want honesty.  What should I do about talking to the kids?  How do I regain that confidence that I had in the beginning?  I also have 2 brothers, one in Ohio and one is a Marine in Iraq.  Do I need to get the boys back here?  I've always been honest with them, but I felt like this was only going to be an obstacle we'd overcome. I want to know of others experiences so I can do the right things...or at least try to...I never ever want to give up the faith and I also believe God only knows what he has planned for my dad.  Please, any advice will be appreciated.

Thanks for reading and God Bless,

Tracey 

First of all please know how sorry I am to hear of your Dad's illness.  My husband is stage 3B and in a clinical trial as he has not responded to treatment.  He is worn out and in a lot of pain.  It is very hard for little kids to grasp the concept of terminal illness.  Our oldest grandchild is 10 and has been told Papa has cancer but I don't think he really understands what is going on.  We have 2 granddaughters ages 5 & 8 and all they know is that Papa is sick and some days doesn't feel too good.  I believe your brothers need to be brought into the 'loop' if only for support for you and your Dad.  As far as your brother in Iraq, I cannot comment as I am not familiar with military protocol.  Your shouldn't be expecting too much of yourself right now.  Take each day as it comes and lean on God. Give it all to God and let Him help you. Take care and God Bless your Dad, you and your family.

Ttbmaat,

 My Father was diagnosed back in June 2006, he had 4 children, 9 great, and 6 great great. My brothers and sisters opted to tell all of Dads illness, the prepared the ones that could understand to what they would see when they saw him. My Father had Hospice come in in December 2006, the children all came in a spent time with him, also Dad had requested visits from the kids, he slept most of the time due to the meds, but I am sure he knew who was there. He passed on 01/12/2007 at home, all the children from 7 years and up were there after he passed to see him once more and to say goodbye, I personally had mixed feelings on this, but the Hospice social worker told us that death is a part of life, and no one should be sheltered from that fact. Once Dad was put in the hospital bed that was supplied by Hospice, he passed 4 days later, the Hospice nurse came in and checked him, his blood pressure was 80 over nothing, his pulse rate was 132, he passed 5 hours later. See your Dad as much as possible, tell him how much you love him, all the children in my family all wrote him letters, in which he read. I loved my Father and it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I was holding his right hand when he passed, I am still pretty messed up, and probably will for a long time to come, but there are comforts, noing he is no longer in pain, and when I have a sad thought, I marry it to a good memory. I hope I have helped you in some way. I also am in Michigan. My thoughts are with you and yours. 

Thank you so much for your advice.  We did decide we are going to tell the kids.  Part of our decision was made because of his last appointment.  They are stopping chemo and repeating the scans on 1-29.  All the dr said is hopefully the disease is stablized.  I walked out of that appointment just in total disbelief.  We are going to wait until we get the scans back so we can fully prepare my kids for this devistating news. 

I really don't want to upset you, but could you please tell me a little bit about your dad's condition in June when he was first diagnosed and walk me through his condition.  I too love my dad soo much.  I've had such a hard time.  I do try to make the best of everything and see him as often as possible.

 Thank you so much for answering,

Tracey

my email is --- Message edited by CancerCompass staff: for personal protection, email address removed.  Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html ----will you please email me or respond.  As heart wrenching as it is, I feel it is better to be prepared.