my mom

Hello my name is sandra and I am 21. I lost my mother last Febuary 16th and it has almost been a year i am here to see how so many of you are coping becasue i don't know how to and I was hoping  that maybe some of you could help me not a day goes by that I don't think about her and when i go to leep at night I see her and it's not that i dont love my mother it'd that i don't like going through this day after day I miss her more than anything and I would do anything to have her back to apologize for tings said out of anger to jsut hug her one last time I don't know what I am expecting form this but I would rather post my feelings here then to tell someone who cannot even begin to understand

Sandra,

Life is not an easy process and neither is losing someone which is even harder. I lost my step father this past April to a Glioblastoma Stage 4 but prior to that I lost my father when I was 18 to lung cancer and he was only 38.. it has been over 20 years since that loss and I still think of him .. actually both of them... time seems to be the only thing that has helped and the wonderful memories I try to keep with me. I watch my mom suffer from the loss of her husband's and it seems by her keeping busy it has helped a bit. Grieving in okay and to me it is important .. the only thing I can offer is that if you need anyone to talk to i will be happy to respond to your emails. Robin

I'm very sorry for your loss.  This is my first time posting on this site.  My mother just passed from PC on Dec. 4, 2006.  It is a horrible disease.  I keep wondering how I will feel in a year.  Will I still constantly think about my mom?  I just try to keep really busy to get through the days.  You can't take back what happened in the past.  But I'm sure your mom would not want you focusing on any harsh words that were spoken.  Remember the good times I'm sure you had together.  My mom loved life and loved to have a good time.  So I try and live my life like she lived hers.  I feel that is the best way to honor her.  Best wishes.

The following quote may help:

"It is impossible to precisely plan one's life, and it is impossible to precisely define one's life...  Although one's life may be fulfilling, it is hard to believe how all the dreams and ambitions can be fulfilled.  To the end, there must be an incompleteness, which is another way of saying that to the end there must be hope, ambition, and achievement." 

 

This is my first time using this site as well. My mother passed away from pancreatic cancer on Jan 23 (1 week ago). I still think she will call me at any moment and that i'll walk into her house to find her still there. My father is completely shattered. They have a beautiful love story and i know that he will not allow himself to accept what he's lost. I have 2 children which give him some strength. If it wasn't for them, i do believe that he would take his own life. I see his devastation and i've given him the permission to do with his life as he sees necessary but to please consider how it would affect his grandchildren. They are especially close. We've survived the first week, barely.. How do we get through the next month, the next year? How do we learn to laugh again and put the family back together. I feel like my step sister and brother have already drifted away and will continue to go further. My daughter will be 1yr old next Tuesday and I can't get myself excited to celebrate. She's such a sweet angel and deserves alot of laughter and messy cake to squish.

Luisa,

I'm very sorry for your loss.  Just take it one day at a time.  Maybe your dad (and you) can talk to bereavement counselors.  Did you have hospice?  If so, they should be able to get you in touch with someone to talk to.  Regarding your daughter's birthday try to do something.  It's not something she will remember but it is a start of doing normal everyday things.  And seeing her tear into her cake will bring some joy into your lives.  I know I personally feel guilty going about my day to day life activities (kids, husband, job, etc.) when my mom is no longer here.  And my dad is at home (over 2 hours away from me) alone.  But I know my mom would not want it any other way.  My dad is adjusting pretty well.  He goes to a bereavement support group once a week and tries to keep busy.  I know it sounds trite, but I really feel if you take it day by day you can get through this.  Best wishes and if you would like to talk further I will be here for you.

well, we made it through Emily's first birthday with a few laughs. It really did feel like my sister and my father were just playing the part. My half brother & sister i think will slip further away as time passes. This makes me very sad. My nephew never showed. My husband and I just enjoyed watching Emily make a mess of herself with the cake and laugh out loud when she tore the wrapping paper off her gifts. It was surreal. I gave my daughter an extra long kiss tonight when i put her down, from her 'abuela'. My family is originally from Cuba. This all happened with my mother while my husband and I were also going through a rough spot in our marriage. This complicates matters and leave me feeling very lonely. I don't want to accept my husbands shortcomings only because of my sadness. Well, that all belongs on another message board, i guess. :-)

Does life come with a handbook???