Help Me Please!!!!! My Mother Just Passed Away

Wow, I have no idea where to begin.  Lets see...My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in April of 2005.  I was a senior in college getting ready to graduate that May. I was devastated. Absolutely devastated.  I went home as often as possible and her main goal was to make it to my graduation.  She did, bald head and all.  I moved home after graduation and helped take care of her.  She went into remission, but that only lasted a few months.  (we were so excited...we thought we beat this nasty disease) However, in October of 2006 she landed in the emergency room with a bad headache.  A few tests later we found out that the cancer had spread to her brain and one tumor was on a blood vessel which caused a severe bleed in her head.  Needless to say she went in for emergency brain surgery.  She was never the same after that.  Three months later, on December 31, 2006, she passed away in her sleep.

Those were the longest three months of my life.  It was the hardest thing watching her deteriorate.  She was never the same after the surgery.  She forgot who people were and she had a very hard time talking and doing the basic everyday things.  I would shower with her, feed her, carry her to the bathroom, etc.  She refused to talk about what she was going through.  I don't know if she really accepted things.  I was not even able to really say goodbye. 

I am an only child and she was my everything.  I lost my mom and my best friend.  We were so close.  I mean we talked 4 times a day and hung out all the time. 

I am only 23 and motherless.  I am lost.  I can't function.  I have no idea how to move on.  All I want is to be able to talk to her again.  I don't sleep because of the horrific images I have of her death and reliving the funeral.

 I am just hoping that this is all dream that I will wake from.....

I am sorry for your lost of your mother.  My heart goes out to you for being there for her.  I lost my father in Dec 2004.  My story if you get a chance please read, "Cancer Again! Now What?".  I am a thyroid cancer survivor.  In Sep 2004, I gave birth to my son.  My son has my husband and fathers name.  At the time I asked my father if I could use his name he laughed at me.  I am so glad my son has his name sake.  We went home to Hawaii in Sept 2004 from Arizona and was back to send my Dad to heaven in Dec.  It was really funny because while we we're visiting my husband and I knew that the time was near for Dad.  I spent those 2 wks making up for lost time.  I regret that I was away for 22 yrs. but I have memories of my Dad that I hold dear to my heart.  My mother lived with us in 2006 until I became ill.  Now she lives in California with my sister.  I'd give up anything right now if I could be with her instead.  So, I give you a big hug and hope that you understand that God has her now and she no longer suffers.  Losing a parent is hard but you have to be strong and just remember that you we're with her till the end.  I miss my Dad too !!!  The best thing you could do is hold onto those memories in your heart.  Get a good support system.  Now I reside in Kentucky living with family.  I have been gone for almost 23 years from Hawaii and along the way I have adopted friends as family.  Please do not let your feelings go unheard.  Find comfort in God to get you through these hard times.  Like "footprints", let God carrying your burdens so that you may rest.  Take Care & God Bless.  Aloha, Paulette  

I am so sorry for your loss.  My dad has been diagnosed with stage IV

lung cancer and is undergoing treatment.  I don't want him to die.  I am

quite sure that your mom will stay close to you forever.  You will see

her from the corner of your eye and smell her in the warm spring air.

She will be with you on your walks in the morning and before you go

to bed each night.  And may you find comfort that someone in Chicago

will say a special prayer just for you before I go to bed tonight.

sheri

I can relate to what you are going through to a point.  I am in the process of watching my mother die.  I am 34 years old and I lost my father at the age of 28.  He passed in his sleep quickly from a heart attack.  He was my son's "father figure" he meant the world to me.  I was the typicle "Daddy's girl". 

When my mother was dx with cancer in Feb of 2006 I thought no big deal we will beat this like we beat her uterine cancer 8 years ago.  Well reality is here and I am watching my mother, my best friend die in front of me every day.  I moved her into my house with me and my son and I take care of her house and mine while supporting her and my son.  It has been the hardest year of my life but also the most rewarding.  I was able to take care of my mother for the first time instead of her always taking care of me.  Be thankful that you had the time to take care of her and to give back to her a little of what she gave to you.  I regret not being able to say Goodbye to my dad, but I know that when the time is here I can say Goodbye to my mom and tell her everything that is in my heart.  I have already started to do that.  I know it will take alot of time to find comfort.  I still have flash backs of finding my dad, and I tend to get panic attacks.  It does get better.  You never forget you just learn to cope.

I hope you find the comfort you need, but dont rush it.  You need the time to grieve.  I tried to not let myself cry and grieve, but all it does is makes it worse.

Take Care and keep me updated on how you do.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  I just lost my father 2-14-2007 and I have been a mess ever since. We just found out 1-15-2007 that he had cancer and he had been in the hospital ever since. He had surgery 1-26-2007 and he never woke up after that except to open his eyes and look around. Before his passed it was 1 month that he was in the hospital and since I was able to have a conversation with him. I feel your pain with loosing your mother and I just want you to know I am here for you. God Bless You.

 

Marie

I lost my mom when I was 21 years old of lung cancer that spread to the brain, my father who I knew very little had died 8 months before of a drug over dose. I was very close to my mom. I am just like her. I have 3 sisters, one that was only 16 when our mom died (imagine that!) She is 23 now and getting married in 2 weeks. We miss her even more at times like these. My twin sister was pregnant when my mom died so when she had her Son she had no one to ask questions to. That is probably the hardest part, I still forget and think I'll just call my mom and ask her or if I have a good or bad day I think about calling her. All I wanted was someone to do or say something that would make me feel better, for the first 2 years I cried almost everyday I wasn't sure I was going to be able to live without her. As time goes by it just starts to not hurt as much. I still think about her everyday but I can talk about her without crying. I remember how bad my heart hurt, how it felt like someone was literally ripping it out. I wanted to tell you that it does slowly get better it just takes time.

Sincerely,

Grace C.

I am not a real member of this web site. I saw your post on line and it reminded me of me and my sisters If you ever want to talk you can e-mail me at

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