Help Me Please!!!!! My mother just passed away

I know how you feel.  My mom just passed away yesterday.  I felt a piece of me also died.  I just wish I could still hear her voice.  Her death has been very devastating to me.  I can't imagine that life can go on.  I really love her so much.  I didn't think that it would be like this.  She was on life support when she died for a week and we couldn't exchange any words.  I just told her that everybody loves her everyday.  and she would shed some tears.  I just kept hoping that Jesus's plan was for a miracle.  I guess Jesus needs her.  I don't know when my pain will go away.

Dear Thereishope,

God bless you. I know your heart is broken. My son's dad died 3 years ago at 49 and we still struggle with his loss. All i can tell you is that it does get better and you will be better. Your mom is fine now and as beautiful as she was in her youth and she loves you and wants you to be OK. Keep your heart open and she will be there for you in the way that all loved ones who pass on are there.  I can't tell you how many times I have felt the presence of my husband, my father and especially, my brother who are now in a spiritual form. There are spiritual laws, just as there are physical laws, and one is that communication is on a completely different level. So when you see something and think, "That's odd, what a coincidence," know that it's your mom telling you she's OK and everything is going to be alright. She understands your hurt, and she knows that it's because you loved her so much. And she knows you're going to be fine. We also could not communicate with my husband before his death and it was so excruciating. But they are home now, really home, and you'll all be together one day. Watch for those little signs that mean your mom is with you. They are REAL, not accidents. Pain is something that you must feel to be able to process your mom's death. So just know that and try to press on the best you can. Your mom is fine.  Take good care of yourself and know that she is with you .... Lynn     

 

 

My son, aged only 20, died 3 weeks ago after a very long hard battle with this disease.....how can there be a God ? ? if there was he wouldn't let children/anyone suffer such a horrendous death I lay beside him when he took his last breath I will never forget this as long as I live, I've lost the light of my life, my preciouse son, my best friend . . .what God ? ? ?

Alexis,

Your message brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

I just find it so hard to believe that there can be ANYTHING ELSE, I know its early days yet and my whole family is 'reeling' from this but what really really hurts me the most, more than the thought of never seeing him again, is the suffering my Son had to endure, 50 months! ! not just more physical pain than anyone can imagine,the  lose of his dignity but the mental torture he  had to endure being told time & time again that he was going to die....how does a young boy of 16, 17,18, 19 then eventually 20 deal with this and then die...God ....if there were such a thing would not enforce such unimaginable pain on the innocents of this world !

I am very sorry for you loss. I cannot say "I know how you feel."While I have suffered loss, no one grieves in the same manner. I'll spare you the patronizing comments. I'm with rljay, when its time, you'll hear from your son. It could be his favorite song, driving down the road, in a dream, who knows...but I know you'll hear from him.

 

I do honestly hope your right!    just don't think that you are

 take care

Dear Alexis, It's very hard to know what to say in a case such as yours. I often think about children with cancer and wonder how their parents endure seeing them suffer. You shared your story with us on this support network and perhaps you can do that with a support group in your town or online. There are many other people who face the same questions as yours and there are no answers to questions such as these. Making connections with others is a first step because connections are the thing that pull us together and help us find comfort. It was very hard for me to make connections in my grief. I hope that it will be different with you. How can there be a god is a very good question!  I think the term "god" in itself is problematic. When his father died, my son said "God hates me" and says that to this day. I believe our idea of God is very very different from the actuality. My mantra has become "Oh ye of little faith" and to me that means, there is so much after this life that is completely beyond our ability to understand and IS completely wonderful beyond our wildest dreams. I envision my husband, my brother, my father all in the most wonderful place, not just "heaven", but beyond that. And when i do that, I feel peace. To me, that peaceful feeling means I am right. Now, what do we do about our struggle? That is the true question that we must answer.   Your struggle has already taken you to an emotional place that few people ever go. Your spiritual landscape has completely changed from that of a few years ago. Look around. Find the others on this "island".  That will be key to your survival. We were put here to comfort each other, just as you did your son. Seek out others. You might have to look for a while to find the right people because your situation is completely unique to you. Remember that, and don't be offended when people don't understand.  You have so much to offer. Wouldn't the memory of your dear brave son be served so beautifully in sharing with others?   You have already helped me, Alexis, to see the suffering of others and how it relates to my own. It brings me to tears. Thank you for being so brave and asking those hard questions. Keep questioning. Lynn       

Wow, how wise you are for your 14 years. And so compassionate to say those words to someone who is hurting. I know your mother is very proud of you. It's hard to "switch gears" from knowing someone physically to knowing them spiritually, but you sound as if you "get it". You are so right. What a great person you are. Your mom is smiling right now ... 

Hi my name is Letty, I am 36 yrs old and I too am an only child. As I began to read your posting I began crying cause I felt just like you. But one thing that really hit me hard was her making it to your graduation. I was so thrilled to read that. I have a 17 yr old son and a 3yr old daughter. My son who my mom pretty much raised was her life (till my daughter ame along) My mom got sick with pancratic cancer in 2006, after many surgeries in 06 she never r ecovered, she was sick month after month, finally after being told they could not remove the tumor in her intestine, they gave her 6months to live. in May of 06 she became ill, she remained in the hospital till almost the end of July06, she passed away slowly on July 20, 2006. All I wanted was for her to make it to see my son graduate high school,she never got the chance.

He graduates this year and I know she would be so proud.

I am sorry, I am so sorry, the pain seems like it never ever goes away. it's only been a year for me and I too, am sitting hear thinking of the agonizing pain she went through. And how I saw her die right before my very eyes.

I am sorry, but one thing like you I was there for my mom, I took a leave of absence from work and was with my mm every day and night. I too was so grateful to give back to her and care for her like she'd always cared for us.

Take care, and I know it sems like your all alone and the only person in the worls without a mom, and I am sorry. I hope that you can find your way and get through this.

Pray and the lord will get you through your ordeal.

Letty