My goodness - I cannot help but cry for you. I really don't what to say. We can tell you that he knew you were there, hopefully in time you will know that. Keep talking your Dad. Ask yourself - Does he know how much you love him? Does he know that you would have given anything to be with him in the end? And, maybe, he went because he he did not want you to remember him in the hospital bed, but only to remeber those moments you shared with him before surgery. I have shared experiences with close friends who have been through the same situation as you. He knew you were there before he went into surgery. He was preparing.My husband and I have part of treatment center where we made some very close friends. All in the same situation. Some still here, some have passed. A man we made very good friends with passed away.And, even though I never met his wife, I became close with her through phone calls and emails. She went through all of what you and your family has with your Dad. She told me, that Joe was so stubborn, he did not want her (his wife) or kids to know he knew the fight was over. Even though they knew it was coming, he would not show it.He was in a hospice enviroment when he passed, and even though she was there, She did not think he knew that, physically that she was there. But afterwards, as her and I spoke of our "situations" , she realized some things. Joe would say he saw his Mom and his aunt. (They have passed) Joes wife (Theresa) said that she assumed he was hallucinating because he was so sick. She told me she did not realize it wasn't unreal for Joe, but at those moments, it would have brought her comfort to know that he was not hallucinating, he was going and his Mom would be there. This has nothing to do with religion or afterlife or anything of the sort. It's just, I take great comfort in Theresas first hand experience, that when our loved ones go, they are not alone. I don't know what happens, none of us have any idea what is in thier hearts and minds at those moments. I just know, Kevin and I have been fighting this fight for 2 years, and we have lost friends to this and we have shared our experiences and listened and held tight to each other. Your Dad was not alone. He really wasn't. I often take comfort in the belief that Kevins Auntie Sophie, and Uncle Barney and Kaz and his little dog Sleepy are going to be there for him. I believe, in some way, we all will see those who we need the most to guide us when "HE" calls (I guess that;s a good way to put it.). Please try and take comfort from the words of woman who has seen it. I often remind myself of her words to me.
Please my friend, grieve for your father and all that you and he and your family will miss. The loves, laughs, tears, disappointments - the first boyfriend that wasn't good enough for you.... He has that tucked away safely in his heart..
There is something that "our patients" have that we could never even begin to imagine. ~~~ I sent an email update the other day that said "He may not be able to sit up too long, and getting to the bathroom is like a marathon.But he holds my hand with Superman like strength. Strength that we can only imagine - and hard to keep up with.....
Talk to him often while you and your family are going through this. Throw things, scream, yell, cry,PRAY. But DO NOT, DO NOT hold on to something that you cannot change - No what ifs, shoulda, coulda, wouldas. At first yes, you will. But your Dad was not alone. I only have this to offer through my friend who lost her husband. It's not a "feel good" story that says "You will get through this one day at a time," Time heals all wounds" - It's a message from your friends that wish you the best and will pray for you, and think of you when you need it need it. Love and Hugs