Hospice Taking Away His Control

I have been posting here for a little while and have never been so grateful to find everyone here. I have been sharing our/my experiences and the fact we have not given in to the cancer. He still has not. Hospice was called in, my choice, sort of. I figured, since he wanted to still fight, what better care could he get than from hospice. He wants to go on the rebound - AGAIN - so why take that away. He has come through so much, and always on his terms. I know how ill he is, and he does as well. But no matter how sixk he has gotten, he pulled through. I don't think he can do it this time, but I refuse to take that away from him.

The hospice nurse came in today (only the 2nd time she has been here) She started to tell him she wanted to get serious and real hinest with him. I told her quietly "Don't take anything away from him." So she stopped and made something up. I spoke to her out of his presence and she told me, he needs to be told he's dieing. He needs to know it's okay with me for him to go. She also wanted me to not keep his feeding tube going. Kevin is very aware of whats happening. Mentally and physically. He knew what she meant by not hooking up to the feeeding tube. He said no way.

I want him to go when he decides, not when someone else makes the decison for him.

My problem is, he is so stubborn. I can hardly tell what he is saying when he speaks. His breathing is labored. I know he is in pain. But he won;t let me do anything. He wants to be in control and tell me what he needs. I feel as if I would be disrespectful if I did some things anyway. It's not as if he can protest too strongly. He doesn't know what he wants to do, all he knows is he wants tomorrow to be better. I am at a loss. Do I just take over and shove his pain medication down his throat? Just do what I need to do even though he says no. They are really obvious things he can't do. And some of them should be done for the sake of, I dont know - Being cared for. I am not just doing, I am caring. I don't know how to get through to him. Every time I get this spark of courage and determination to do things, I walk in the room and he says I"I am fine, I want to rest." Is this it? Do I leave him alone? Not do anything? I have no idea. Thankful toyou all, Gos Bless

I am REALLY sorry for the position you are in. I know you want to do what is best for your husband. I think you have to go with what your gut is telling you. Maybe you should consider a different hospice nurse. One that will be more supportive of what your husband wants. I don't think she should call the shots but take the best care of him with respect to his wishes and yours. Please know I am praying for both of you. I wish I could do something to help you. Pray for God to guide you and I know you will do whatever needs to be done. Hang in there. Please write if I can help in ANY way.  God bless and be with you. Pat

I know how hard it is to watch, but it is his life and he has determination and fight.  He will know when to give in and he will let you know.  Follow your gut, but follow his wants also.  I give him credit for the courage he is showing and my heart goes out to you.  You should be proud of him.  Let him be.  You'll know when to take over.  Honest you will. The Hospice nurses must also respect his wishes and not tear him down.  They should let him have the faith he believes in.  Do not let them take that away from him.  Take care.  I work in a hospital that has a Hospice, so if you need to ask any questions I can try and find out the answers for you.  Just let me know.