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Scared

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Subject: Scared
Date: 03/15/2007
Hi Everyone, I'm new here. I'm a caregiver/girlfriend of a wonderful person who has lung cancer. He was diagnosed last May. This title "caregiver" is certainly different than anything I've experienced before. I'm a mom. Even though my kids are older now, I'm still a mom. There is no way to be prepared for this kind of caregiver. I also lost my hearing almost exactly one year before he was diagnosed with Lung cancer. I got sick and I woke up one day and my hearing was gone within a few hours. He was my hero that day. It's been a real challenge. They have not told us what stage his cancer is in. I want to beleive that it's managable, but the last few days have really made me doubt that. He has lost so much weight. And he is in so much pain. It seems like every time he begins to get better something happens to move backwards. We thought it was gonna give us a break. Then he gets off schedule and all #*!% breaks loose. The night before last was awful. I could not sleep. I kept checking to see if he was still breathing. I was scared out of my mind. I thought It was goona be the end. I kept praying to God to give us more time. I felt it. I smelled it."IT" was in the room. It was the worst feeling I've ever had. I thought I was being paranoid. The next day he said that he had felt like he was going to die the night before. It was the strangest thing I've ever been through. I thank God every morning that we wake up. We have another day. He seem to be getting back on track now. He has a CT scan the 20 of this month. I'm praying that we get to that day. Anyway I just had to tell somebody about what happened. If it weren't for these message boards, I don't know what I would be thinking. They certainly help. Ali

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