This is so beautifully said. A very helpful message even though I'm sure there will not be a dry eye reading it. Thank you Carpenters Daughter
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I too am a daughter in distress. My Dad was just diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer and yesterday we learned that it is also on the spine. When my daughter was born we enjoyed having five living generations. Through 26 years that has fallen to three, my daughter has a four month old girl. When Sadie was born my Dad said that he hoped to live long enough to take her hand and walk her down to the creek and teach her to skip rocks. I know exactly how you feel. You feel cheated for yourself, your mom and your children. You are right to feel that way because it's true. I am trying to be as pro-active as possible at this point, even though the future looks grim. I was only 4 when my great-grandfather died of cancer and I have vague memories, however, through photos and stories told by my family I feel as if I really knew him well. Make sure that you have plenty of photos and videos if possible. Write down all of the memories that YOU have of your Dad, do it now. Keep his name in conversations. We lost a 16 year old daughter a few years ago and my mom and grandmom three years ago. After the tears and physical pain you will go to bed one night and realize - hey, I didn't cry today - then you'll cry because you feel awful that you didn't. This will eventually change and the sweet memories will flood over you. Write them down too. I've found great solace in just banging away on the computer. I write letters to "God" and looking back on them I've discovered that at first I was so angry. Later on the anger became less and the realization that my Daddy wasn't going to live to be a very old man as we had hoped. He's enjoyed excellent health till now. Your Dad is in a bad way for sure. A dear friend lived with us during his last three months of battling cancer. His family was quite small and lived far away. By staying with us he still had his "community" where his friends and lodge brothers could visit him. Encourage your Dad's friends to visit, even if you think that he is asleep. We really don't know how much a person is aware of, especially under medication. Now is the time for courage. Your Dad is my age. My Dad will be 77 in July. We will always be "Daddy's Little Girl" regardless of what age. Be with him as much as you can, talk to him, hold him. Talk to your Mom too, I can understand her pain because the boy she fell in love with is going to leave her. I will pray for you all, miracles do happen and when you or your loved one is ill you can't pray for yourself so others do it for you. It doesn't matter if you worship a turnip or Jesus or whatever. Prayers are prayers. Try to look nice for you Dad, maybe a little lipstick. Put his favorite aftershave on your Dad and tell your Mom to do the same. Be with him when the end is near, you won't regret it. It is an honor and privilege to care for our loved ones and in the future you will look back and realize that by doing so it made you more self assured and a better parent. Believe it or not, some things are worse than death. To see my Dad in pain and his only relief is a drug that takes his mind to places that I cannot go is awful. Remind your Mom (and yourself) that she will always have him with her. Just looking into your face and the faces of their grandchildren. Your Dad has sown the seeds of this life and you all are his harvest. Make him proud.