Most days I am very optomistic, but not today.
On Jan.10,2007 I lost a very dear friend to a long battle with colon cancer.He lived much longer than the Doctors expected, but he suffered far more than you could imagine possible. So, I know the battle with this brutal disease. Also, on Jan 10,2007 my Fathers doctor of 27 years called me to say that they had discovered a tumor on my Fathers lung and would need to test further to make a determination. After C/T scans, PET scans,2 biopsies,we got the diagnosis that noone ever wants to hear,Stage-4 terminal lung cancer (this is difficult to absorb as my Dad was not sick at this point, only went for a routine exam) Several Doctors later we made a decision to try Chemo to improve his quality of life (estimated maybe a year w/ Chemo, 6 months w/o) He had 2 Chemo treatments in Feb, and 2 in Mar. After the 2 treatments in Feb, he was incredibly sick and had 2 be given 2 units of blood. After the 2 treatments in Mar, he was hospitalized for 6 days and had to be given 3 units of blood. While in the hospital the scans showed that the tumors had grown and spread. To put it bluntly I was told that the cancer had taken over.My Father now has Liver function problems, kidney function problems, digestive problems, pain throughout his body, He hasn't driven his car since Mar 29 when he was hospitalized.His oncologist wants to continue Chemo, even though the cancer is non responsive, and the Chemo is killing him. My Father has declined Chemo at this time. I'm not even sure we should have done it at all, but that is done. His GP has made the decision to turn him over to Hospice Care at this time. We are to meet with Hopsice Care on Monday evening 4/30. My Father is still in shock or denial about the extent of his disease. He is 71 and will tell you he still hopes to live to be 100. He told me last night, he hopes he has a few years or more, but if he doesn't then he's ok with that too. His Doctor told me on Thursday that he thought my Dad might live a few more months if nothing unexpected happens, but I dont have the heart to tell my Dad that. My father and Mother divorced 17 years ago and my Father never re-married so he lives alone. I am and will be his primary caregiver, and the responsibility is sometimes overwhelming, trying to plan and prepare for the future, when none of us really know what the future holds. The only thing I know is that right now is all we have, and we have to make each day count.
I pray that God will give me the courage and the strength to see to it that my Dad maintain his dignity in life and death. I pray that God will provide mercy when it is most needed.
This is my first time on a message board, sorry if I rambled, I didn't realize I had so much to say. My question is "How do you accept the reality of your situation without feeling like you're giving up or giving in?"