Exausted, Therapy?

On 5/27/2007 Memee4816 wrote:

 

On 5/19/2007 Babysteps4me wrote:

   Brandon...I am not usually a confrontive person...but I had to respond to you letter....it made me so angry I could spit...As a cancer patient, that has been battling stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, with many reoccurances and on going treatment for years just to stay alive to raise my son's...you need to know that this is not about YOU!!!! Get over it...she is your wife....you have no idea what she is going through, until you yourself have had cancer and treatments...You complain about being tired....dear God, do you know what your wife has had to endure??? And you have little time to yourself..., you would have plenty of time, if this illness took her life....Do whatever you have to do to help the one you are supposed to love...in sickness and in health...get therapy..take pills, whatever it takes...for you to be a man and stop complaining...I have found there is a certain percentage of men....that just do not get it...If you were sick, your wife would be there taking care of you, as most women would....she would not be thinking of her discomfort....so, stop,this whinning about yourself...take care of your wife,and all the things that need to be done....try your best to keep burdons off of her..and pray that this is only a small period of your life and your wife will be well...to continue this journey called life.......A long time cancer patient

 

That's really not fair to Brandon. He is seeking help so he can help his wife and be the support she needs without breaking down himself. I have unfortunately been on both sides of this issue. When I was diagnosed with uterine cancer my husband was there for me. He took care of me in ways I never wanted him to, some of the things I needed help with I thought would change any romantic feelings he could ever have for me again, fortuntely I was wrong about that and our life continued. While I was sick I was as worried about him as I was about myself. I made a point to call a friend of his to arrange time out - I gave him my sisters phone number and between the two of them they got him out for breaks and she would "insist" he needed to go and give the two of us our girl time.

Now it's my turn to care for him. He has Stage 4 colon cancer - second occurance in 5 months. I recognize some of the feelings he's having when I have to clean him up from a bowel movement or from vomitting. I just tell him he's not getting out of the contract we signed 27 years ago and the oath we took before God "In sickness and in health". He remembers my girl time with my sister and now insists on some sports talk with a buddy or one of his brothers and sends me packing for lunch or dinner with the girls.

We talk candidly about how hard this is on us - either as the patient or as the caregiver. It's not a pity party of who has the been given the worst deal in this mess, just a reminder that we're both hurting and scared in our own way and need each other but need breaks too.