Refuses Support

On 7/29/2007 Confusedgfriend wrote:

Since the last time I've posted here about my boyfriend refusing support, we grew further and further apart.  There was one point when he suddenly seemed like he was willing to share his feelings and he told me that he's had 4 radiation treatments, but I didn't even dare asking him what type of cancer he has.  (or I've tried but have had no answer)  Lately, we hardly get to communicate.  He's doing everything else as if life's normal, except he's hardly talking to me.  I try to call and I write him emails to keep myself updated,  even though we live only 10 minutes away from each other but he hardly replies with much.  I can never seem to find him.

Today, he wrote me a text message to tell me he's been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and that he has a lot to deal with, with the daily insulin injections and everything.  He's still keeping all of this from his family. 

I'm frustrated with how I'm expected to be extremely understanding while being kept in the dark day after day.  He's currently a big mystery to me and the last time I suggested that we be friends instead, he threatened that he'll ban me from his "funeral" in the future.  I don't know what to do because he keeps saying that of all people, he expects me to understand how he has no time for me, yet I can't even consider myself to be a caregiver or even a supporting friend because I hardly know what's going on.  Whenever I express my frustrations to him, he tells me that he's disappointed with me.  What am I supposed to do?

Hmm !!! You have a stubborn man.  It really sounds like you love him and are besides yourself.  Most men do not like to burden their women with health issues.  I am a 2 time thyroid cancer survivor.  From my experience, a good support system is what kept me fighting for my life.  Yes, there are times I would like to just forget it all but reality is reality.  After my second surgery, my husband and I live each day like it was our last.  No regrets !!!  Cancer is an awful disease and everyone has their moments.  I know I tried to push my husband away a million of times.  He stuck by me and hasn't given up yet.  He is my best friend and we talk about everything.  I am so sorry that he will not confide in you about his cancer.  Now he has diabetes to deal with on top of cancer.  It's going to be his decision to knock that wall down and let you into his world.  He's going through denial, anger, sorrow and an emotional rollercoaster right now.  Try to give him room to come to grips with everything.  I know when I was first diagnosed with cancer it took me awhile before I could even say "cancer". We don't have all the answers but maybe you could seek spiritual advice to ease your pain.  I give you strength to overlook his behavior and remember why you feel in love with him.  When he's ready, he will let you in.  Stay positive!  Take Care & God Bless.

Aloha, Paulette