Hi, this is my first time writing-- I'm just feeling badly right now and it's not something I feel I can speak with my family about. My father has Stage 4 Lung and Stomach cancer, diagnosed 1/22/07. I'm supposed to be the 'strong' one-- my family depends upon me to make medical decisions and handle things that need to get done.
Sometimes that means being the 'bad guy' in Dad's eyes. Tonight he had a nosebleed-- which he thought he could take care of himself. Eventually we found out that this isn't the first one-- he hides problems, rather than admit something is not right. Anyway-- a nosebleed is a side effect of the one chemo medication he is on and he's in a very frail condition.
I tried nicely to convince him to go to the hospital. He insisted it would stop. Fine-- I agreed that if it didn't stop in half hour that we'd go. Well-- that came and went and I continued to be extremely patient with him. Finally, after it had been bleeding for well over 2 hours I phoned his Dr. and they advised me to get him in to ER. I told him that his Dr. said he HAD to go-- I assured him he wouldn't have to stay, we just need to get it checked out. Needless to say, he is furious with me for making him go.
We went-- he was checked out-- and by the time we got there it had stopped bleeding. My mother and sister are grateful that I can get him to do things that they cannot, such as go to the hospital, etc. He kissed me good-bye when I left for the night-- so I know there's no real hard feelings. I assure him that we love him and that we're concerned for him.
When he says angry, hurtful things I tell myself it's not him talking, it's the pain, the medication, etc-- but still, I must confess-- it does hurt when he lashes out at me. Still, I'd rather have him lash out at me than my mother-- she's not so strong. It breaks my heart to see her cry.
Anyway, thanks for listening-- hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!