Hi,
Sorry to hear you and your husband are facing this. I have had the bladder removal and got a neobladder back in March. I found another place on the internet with over 950 folks dealing with bladder cancer to be most helpful.
www.bladdercancerwebcafe.com
There are sections there in the forum that are focused on mens issues as well, and lots of info for care givers.
I wish you both the best and hope the link helps, Holly