Peter,
I was diagnosed in 1992 with NHL at the age of 42. I was tormented with the "facts" that state the prognosis of my disease. But I decided that I had to put my faith in God and modern medicine. I went into remission and stayed for 5 years. Last year I had to have treatment again. And now, I wait to see if I am in total remission, also. But I'm not too worried because of my faith in God in knowing that you can't worry about the unknown. You have to face whatever obstacle life sends you. And in doing so you must tell your doctor that you fret about your disease and need some help coping with it. I suggest you contact ACS Cancer Navigator in your area and see if that person may be able to help you. You may also contact the ACS and see if there is a support group for your type of cancer. There is no need for you to suffer with the unknown by yourself. I will pray to God to give you strength to steel yourself against your doubts. I wish you good luck and godspeed.