My mother had 7 siblings and they all said that they would be there for me but after her death I had one aunt actually send me a bill for $150.00 from something my mother owed her from August! By the way this was 4 days after her funeral. Then she found out that I was upset about it and that in turn upset her so the entire family except for 3 aunts turned on me and blamed me for upsetting my aunt and making her sick. One actually called me to inform me not to call anyone because I would upset them. This aunt that sent me a bill has a daughter that just barrowed $1,000.00 from my mother and of course never paid her back. Maybe I should send her a bill! I know this seems unimportant to you because you don't know this family but my point to this is, how things can go so wrong after this devastating experience and the people who say that they are there for you aren't always there. You have to realize that she is. Even though you can't see her, you know she's there. This happened to me 2 days before christmas and no-one bothered to call me on Christmas to see how I was doing. I sat at my mothers grave and cried. That is where I go when things are really going badly. I think a lot of my family is jealous because my mother left me everything and I am having a house built and all that kind of stuff. They all pretend everything is back to normal now but I know who was really my family and I know that it is their problem. I do understand your feeling of aloneness in this world and I equate it like as if you were always walking across a tightrope but there was a net below you and you knew you were safe so it was so easy to walk across it. Now you go to walk across it and it is so frightening because you know that net isn't there anymore to catch you. You just have to be more cautious now. If you don't mind me asking, "how old are you?" I am 33. I have a son who is 6 and 2 step daughters, 12 & 14. My son sat through everything with me, because I practically lived over at my mothers house. I am glad that you went back to work, because it helps to have something to do. I went back also and it gets your mind off things for a while. You'll never forget her but why would you want to. I bought a curio cabinet and filled it with all her special things. That is nice to have. Not to mention the fact that I have all her furniture and car and that is why I need a bigger house because I could never sell it. Take care and keep writing. It helps me as well.