Dear Alina (and all),
I lost my mom on May 17, 2003 after a 5 year struggle with what had started out as colorectal CA but had metastisized to other parts of her body. She passed away in her sleep with me there, holding her hand, my Dad on the other side of her. First I want to say that I know that dealing with cancer is one of the hardest things out there and I feel the strength and support within all of you who have written- thank you for sharing your strength. My problem is that although my 77 yo Dad and my sister and I are all grieving, it has not been together. In fact, my Dad has taken some fairly cruel steps in his attempts to deal (I assume), including his insisting we take out all of Mom's stuff the day after she died from the bedroom, and the balance of her personal belongings that week. He took all her cookware and put it downstairs, threw out God knows what of hers or gave it away without consulting us. Then within 3 months after her passing started going to singles clubs, met some 50 yo bimbo, tried to get her to MOVE in (and told us on my Mom's birthday weekend) in by April 2004, then now found someone else who HAS moved in. I had my second baby mid-March 2004 and while I have been trying to deal with grieving over knowing my Mom will never meet her (except in heaven), my Dad, with NO sensitivity,shows little interest in being a part of my (or my children's)life. He lives less than 5 minutes away. If you ask if my parents marriage of 46 years was good, the answer was yes. Was my relationship with my Dad before mom's death bad? No, but clearly there must have been issues. My husband is great and supportive, but I am really having trouble dealing with this, and think about my mom everyday. I am not that close with my sister, and that makes it tough as well. It has been almost two years since she has passed on, but I can't seem to get over this. The worst was that yesterday my sister told me my Dad threw out the one display we had not had the heart to take down- that of her shadowboxes containing small toys from her childhood, carefully arranged. Apparently, Dad threw it all out, while preparing the upstairs for a paint job (which is where is lady friend has put her stuff)....
I have been not going to his house since this 58 yo woman moved in (too painful), and do not speak to him regularly...but I do touch base- I love my Dad, care if he's okay, but the stuff he is doing is so painful and he is so STUBBORNLY oblivious (and refuses to see) to the pain he is causing us...Sorry if this sounds like a diversion, but I too, am really having trouble dealing...