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When Do You Give Up?

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Subject: When do you give up?
Date: 09/23/2007

Today at noon we're supposed to go see the doctor and talk about it all in a family meeting.  Basically the jist is that they (the doctors) want us to put my mom who has stage IV stomach cancer in pallative care or hospice.

Quality of life is what I here all the time, but it seems like something the doctor's say so they can stop trying.  I know that in the end its my mom's choice, but I'm having trouble understanding the whole giving up.   I do understand that she's depressed and in pain and just unhappy.

She started vomiting constantly now whenever she drinks or eats anything but they don't know why.  They don't see any blockage.  She has constant diarrhea and wears a diaper now.  She is very depressed.  She has a biliary tube (the bile duct got compressed due to her surgery to remove the cancer).  She has two nephrostomy tubes (cancer blocking the ureters).  They just put in two tubes to drain the fluid from her lung cavities which they are hoping will be temporary.  She's on TPN for nuitrition and gets her fluids via IV also.  She's on morphine for whenever she wants it.

It all sounds horrible.  What's even worse is that my wedding is in three and a half months and the doctor's don't think she'll make it to then.  So I'm at a loss on what to do.  It seemed just last month she was doing fine and then it went downhill so fast.

What can I expect next?  Why do I keep feeling I'm letting her down if I let everyone give up?

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