Hi Jode,
My father has stage IV too. On the day I was told he had months to live, the dr. told me I'd be losing my mom soon as well. When you wrote "I'm a mess" it also describes my life right now. Trying to keep everyone calm--mom, dad, three kids and husband, not to mention adult two brothers.
I think we just keeping trying to make them comfortable, as pain free as we can and for me--keep praying for the best. I've been spending as much time as I can with them. Conversations have been good. That helps.
On a daily basis, I feel the same as you do. Not quite knowing how to act or what to say anymore. Perhaps that has to do with the sleep deprivation.
You are not the only one going through this and you are not alone.
Hang in there, Cheryl