Subject: I just need to vent (Sorry)
Date: 11/03/2007
Hi
everyone, I was told on 10/31/07 yep Halloween that I have
adenocarcinoma in situ encapulated and I now wait for a hysterectomy. I
do not have insurance and slowly falling through the cracks I think
since I was suppose to be called last Thurs by an oncologist but he did
not call and now I have to wait till Monday. I am so scared and lonely
and everyone just keeps telling me to be positive and I will be ok well
I am no ok and this is not ok and I should be able to cry and yell and
throw things and have support and I don't. My husband actually started
a fight with me because I said I wanted to buy a new night gown and
some slippers for the hospital and he said why don't I just wear the
stuff they provide and I don't want too, I want to have my own personal
stuff is that so wrong? His mom agrees with him. He is not being
supportive he is being selfish and stupid but no one else sees it
except my 16 year old son. I am so scared and all I do is break down
and when I do everyone gets mad at me. The people I thought I could
count on are not there my husband actually called me the "C" word last
night because he had to come and get me because my suppose to be friend
got mad at me because she tried to take me out and get my mind off
things yet a couple of times I broke down and she got mad at me because
after all she did take me out and I am suppose to forget my recent
diagnosis and eat jelly beans and swing from the light fixture right? I
was not having a bad time I just had some emotional moments. I did not
deserve that but everyone is treating me like this except my kids. I
have no one to cry with or talk to. My husband is actually mad at me
because he had to wake up and come and get me (his wife) that needed
him??? I'm a fool. My mother in law asked if I was supporting him?
WHAT? I just want to get my surgery and get on with my life I have
decided that I need all the things keeping me down out of my life and
so my new goal is to get well finish school and move on. Thanks for
reading this I need it;)
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