Kim,
I really am sorry to hear that. I truly believe that the Lord is with you and your family, and will help you through this. It's hard for us to understand why, we just have to have faith that there is purpose for this.
My husband (who is 47) is scheduled to be seen by his oncologist every four months, at that time they'll do full blood work and chest x-rays. He is also scheduled to see his dermatologist once a month. The pressure of me missing a spot, or bump has proven too great for me. So we agreed on monthly visits to the Derm. I still look for any changes on my husband, I just feel a little better knowing someone else is too.
Please don't put any blame on yourself for not seeing the bumps or lumps. Before melanoma came into my life, I never thought twice about freckles or moles or bumps & lumps. Now it's always the fore throught in my mind. I see melanoma in strangers I meet. I have even stopped a woman at Wal-Mart and asked her if she has seen a dermatologist about a nasty mole on her neck. I offended her. Not my intention, and I really don't mind that I did make her angry at me. I hope she thought about it and went to see a dermatologist.
Please keep us posted on his progress. You and your family are in my prayers.