I have a slightly different perspective than some of the other posts on this subject. I am currently a patient battling renal cell cancer (kidney cancer) for the third time in my life. You can read my history in my post under Renal Cell Cancer (Sutent Has Worked For Me, Tumors Are Gone, dated 11/11).
My general feeling is that if a doctor emphatically says to a cancer patient you have no chance of surviving your current illness…. then my advice is to run or get as far away from that doctor as possible. Once the onc he has reached that conclusion, one can only surmise that his efforts on behalf of his patient will be jaded by what he considers an inevitable conclusion so why would he waste time looking for potential treatments.
Your post quoted your onc as saying "I can't guarantee you'll be here next year." Well the painful truth is that statement applies to almost all of us fighting cancer. I will admit that it was not a sensitive statement and he was a jerk for stating it in that manner. But most of these onc’s are men of science and their bedside manner leaves much to be desired. Only God will decide if we will still be here a year from now. When my current onc informed me that I had stage IV kidney cancer he indicated that “things were not good” … some expression one never forgets. My research on the internet indicated that a 5 year survival rate for the stage IV cancer I have was less than 5%. While he was probably aware of that fact, he never told me that, but it sure gave meaning to his words that things were indeed NOT GOOD. While I never got the “warm fuzzies” (and still don’t) from my current onc, I stay with him because my research showed that the treatment program he prescribed for me is what I would have prescribed for myself. I am confident that he knows his business. My opinion is that this should be the most important criteria in selecting an onc.
In your case I believe that your onc was being painfully honest while not being very sensitive. If you believe that your husband will not get proper treatment due to your onc’s statement or sentiment, then you have little choice but to move on. If on the other hand your research confirms the treatment program he has prescribed for your husband’s cancer, then I would say moving to another onc is a matter of choice rather than necessity.
Eileen, I hope this helps. Fighting cancer causes all of us to have to make some agonizing decisions along the way. I wish you and your husband a very long and happy life. May God bless you both.