On 11/18/2007
ginnyx7 wrote:
This is really a tough one. I would not attempt to judge your husband for his actions but certainly do not understand them. At face value his actions appear to be very selfish but then I have not been in his shoes.
Are you asking if you should leave him or stay with him or what? I really don't know what I would do in this situation but you need to keep in mind that you cannot change his actions and you will not be judged for his actions, only your own. Guess my advice to you is to be sure that what you decide to do is something you can live with. If you are a Christian I would advise prayer and counseling with your pastor. Wish you well.
Ginny
Ginny,
I had decided that I don't want to be partners anymore but to let him live with us for the girls sake. I thought that it would be better if they were able to have more memories with him. I really thought that he would try to make ammens and I'd hopefully be able to forgive him before it was too late - but I have no desire to reconcile. Please understand that he has said he is sorry but in the 8 months since I found out he has attempted to contact her multiple times and has only admitted it was an affair for about three scattered weeks. He claims that they never consumated their relationship although I have proof of over 250 phone calls between and that he bought her almost $2000 in gifts plus they both admit to secretly meeting and he that they exchanged "I love yous". Prior to his, at minimum emotional, affair we both thought we were doing well as a couple - especailly given what we were going through. However, he still won't/can't explain why he did it and doesn't seem to truely be sorry. He claims he still loves me but it doesn't feel that way to me and I cannot trust him. As I am truely tired, feel that I have lost my spirit and have little patience for our poor girls I am starting to think that perhaps I should change my decision to let him stay with us. I lose my composure much more frequently and am not sure if it is better that I keep him around. Especially now that I am seeing signs that he seems to be getting worse and I really don't know that I am going to be albe to be an adequate caregiver. I really do feel like he was being very selfish and the affair was an exciting escape from reality. I don't know what I am looking for from anyone right now. I'd just like to find the strength to be a better Mom to my kids through this and afterwards. As for my religion, I am really questioning that whole aspect of my beliefs at this point. I do judge him for his actions - it was his decision to both start and continue a extramarital relationship in spite of his commitment to me. He may think he had one of the best excuses for having an affair but I do not believe that there are any. If he wanted the other married women they could both get a divorce and have at it all they wanted. Anyway, thanks for your thoughtful response. Sorry I sound so bitter, I really thought I'd get better about it given time but that hasn't happened - not yet any way.
Karen