I don't have any sage advice but want you to know that my heart aches for you. My husband is also dying of pancreatic cancer and I know how hard it is to be a caretaker. I have gone through all of the emotions from feeling angry toward him to a feeling of panic when I think of life without him. You need to find a good counselor who can help you with this. It is too much for you to handle on your own. I hope knowing that others care will give you some comfort.
JL