Hi,
I've had 4 surgeries and many many chemo cycles.
I've appreciated many of the things people have already mentioned. The main thing that is suggested is to ask the person for specific things they would like assistance with. For example, instead of saying: "let me know if there is anything you need ", specify:"would you like me to get some groceries? would you like me to just sit here?"
When I first arrive back from surgery, I have friends rotate for the first 72hours, day AND night - people sleep over. That is very reassuring, as the nights can be very scary.
You didn't mention whether this friend lives with a partner or how old her kids are, but I'm sure that they, too, could use someone at night.
I worry about the children: if they are youngish, could one organize for them to be invited to friends' house for supper and doing homework together? Moms worry a lot about not being able to help their children with their homework and not being able to take care of their kids' basic needs?
Perhaps make a point of asking her whether the kids' clothes in particular need to be washed, ironed, whether they need school supplies?
Who is communicating with the school about the situation?
About food, I found that I could eat very little and very selectively, so when food is sent to the house, if you'd like Mom to be able to benefit as well, just ask what she would like: yogurt? apply sauce? more hardy stuff?
Find out what the children's favorite meals are and perhaps prepare these.
Take the children to a movie or other fun activity. They need a break too.
I found that laughter was amazing. I tuned in once to Alan Funt's Candid Camera, and it was so relieving. There is a whole literature out there about the healing effect of laughter. So, America's Funniest Videos, and any other such programs, DVD's of favorite comedians and movies, e.g. Robin Williams, Seinfeld, ASK!
How about getting someone to the house to do her hair? You know we women are with hair!!!!!!!!!!!!1 It can make us feel like a million dollar.
Also, there is a program called: Look Good Feel Better, that she may have access to through her hospital. The cosmetic industry got together and developed this program, giving women tips on make up they can use to look better, even in hard times. They also give tons of samples at the presentation.
I want to applaud you for getting on this message board to look for ideas of how to help your friend. You are a special person and we would all be lucky to have you as a friend. Your neighbour is a lucky woman!
Hope that helps,
G.