On 12/21/2007
Super_Sherron wrote:
In november my mother passed away from small cell lung cancer. Her battle went on for over a year and a half. I was 19 and motherless. To put this lightly, my world as it was ceases to exist. I have a job that probably is hating me I was off for over 3 weeks for work around the time of her death and after. Now i cant seem to go a week without calling off because i just cant get myself out of bed. My birthday wasnt even a month after her death and I didnt want to get out of bed and I still dont. I dont know what to do with myself, I am grumpy and crabby at everyone who gets in my way. I am so lost and confused. I do have a sister but we both have our own pain that is way to big to try to help/support the other. I do have a fiance but im not the type of person to cry about ANYTHING in front of people. I cried the day she was diagnosed, the day they told us she had probably 12 hrs left and at her funeral. I cry at random stuff like the fact I couldnt get a can open the other day. Seriously I dont know what to do with myself or with anyone else. My pain is swollowing me whole and my heart is no longer even into shreads. Its gone. Along with her. What do I do? What do I think? How am i suppose to live without my mom?
I hope that you are reading these messages. I just don't know where to begin. I KNOW exactly how you feel. My Mom is dying of cancer as I write this. I can't get a handle on what life will be like without her. It is the scariest thing I have ever had to face. I lost my Dad when I was in college. I do know this: think about what your Mother would want for you and try to reach for that. If you don't have faith (and even if you do) it's really hard. I know God is watching over us and that my Mother will be going to a better place but it doesn't make it a bit easier to give her up. If you can possibly read the Bible (or whatever document is a testimony of your faith) then I think you can find strength there. God wants you to be near him. He is in control and his way his perfect and certainly NOT always the way we WANT or would understand. I think from what you describe that you are suffering from depression. Be careful about taking medication for that, but seek medical help to get you through it. Talk to people who care and understand, like the people HERE who are going through WHAT you have already been through. Try to remember also that God will not leave you comfortless, he will come to you - just ask.
I pray that you find peace and a way to continue Your Mother would want you to embrace life - not dread it.
-Jenny's Mom