My name is Robin. Although I am technically new to the board, I have been lurking for a couple of months. Just not knowing what to say. My husband Donnie was diagnosed October 9th 2007 with Stage 4 esophageal cancer. It is in the base of his esophagus and in some lymph nodes. We were told chemo is his only option. You know, get your affairs in order all that good stuff. They make it sound so easy. He has been taking chemo a while now and the last scan was good, the tumor is shrinking. He is 43 years old and is in good health other wise.
The reason I am writing is for emotional support from other caregivers. Do you feel alone as I do? You know I am blessed with some great friends. Some I think don't come around as much cause they don't know what to say, but I have some that are here every time I need them. Is it crazy to say I have never felt more alone in my life? Yes my friends are here and are great support but when they go home, their family is still in tact. Their life is still"normal". I feel even though this affects them, they just don't get it. I tend to write to deal with my emotions so I am going to post the last thing that I wrote. One of my friends told me that other people going thru what we are would relate. I hope you all know how I have followed you and even though I haven't said it out loud on the board, I pray for all of you.
God Bless
Here is what I wrote.
"Somebody Stop the World"
Somebody stop the world,
I want to go back.
I want to go back ,
Before cancer
Turned our world upside down.
I want to go back
this wasn’t supposed to happen to us,
not to you .
I want to go back ,
To our carefree days
And future plans.
I want to go back
before doctors and chemo
and losing your hair
I want to go back,
When you were so strong ,
You seemed invincible
I want to go back,
When I didn’t cry every day
for fear of losing you.
I want to go back ,
To where people didn’t avoid me
Because they don’t know what to say.
I want to go back ,
To when we still had forever
And weren’t living on borrowed time.
I want to go back ,
To a point in my life
I wasn’t so angry with God.
It wasn’t that long ago,
Though it seems like forever
Somebody stop the world,
I want to go back…………………