Dearest Susan, I have replied to you by 'private reply' on your last message and now I've found this one. You are so mixed up, not knowing what is the 'right' thing to do. Susan, there is no 'right' answer. You must do what you feel that YOU need to do. If you go to her, she may not even know that you are there - but you will BE there. Your parents may benefit from your support at this time. But if you want to write, you can do that too. I think that remembering the good times of your past together is a great place to start -- once you start writing I'm sure that the memories will flow -- and when you do this it can be amazing the funny things that come backI I once wrote to a friend who was in the last stages of liver cancer -- I couldn't go to visit her as we lived too far away and didn't have the money to travel -- but I wrote three pages of fond memories and her daughter told me that her mom had laughed and laughed when the letter was read to her, for it brought back the joys of our times of motherhood together. The letter had acted as a catalyst for her mother to then talk to the daughter about many things they had never spoken of before, and the daughter thanked me for opening this window of opportunity for they were able to share things that might otherwise have never been said. So, to conclude, this is about YOU and how you can make this time special for you both. If Denys's pain is so terrible, then the hospice should be a real consideration, for their whole purpose is to make whatever life she has left as pain free and pleasant as possible -- and they can do it. Do what is right for you - in your heart - not just because someone else says that you should. I know that you will make the right decisions - for you, Denys, and your parents. God be with you all, love, Cath