Dear Mike: This is the first time I have been on the boards for a few days. I am very sorry for you and your little one. As you will remember, my beloved son, Robbie, lost his battle to EC on October 7, 2007. We are not Catholic but Anglican (pretty well the same thing). I agree with you that young people should not die but we do not have the power to say who lives and who does not. My son kept his faith all through his battle and as his older brother began to blame God, Robbie told him that this was not the work of God but of the devil and the world. Robbie and I gave communion together on Sunday September 23rd 2007 exactly 2 weeks before he passed away. Fortunately, Robbie did not throw up blood, he was just dry heaving. Robbie did die at home in his own bed. His wife and daughters take a lot of comfort out of being in the home they shared and in the room and bed that Robbie passed away in. I am seeing a grief counsellor and she is constantly telling me that we all grieve in our own way and that our grief never goes away it just lessens with time and that we learn to live again without our loved one. I can honestly tell you, Mike, that I personally am not even close to accepting the death of my son let alone beginning to live again. My faith tells me that my beloved Robbie is in Heaven and he will be waiting for me when my time comes. To be honest Mike, if I did not believe that I don't know how I could survive. Take all the time you need to grieve. Please, Mike don't make any life altering decisions too soon. Have the carpet changed but try and wait a while before you look for a new home. You and Alyssa have many memories of Shannon in that home - they are all not bad. I know that when I am at Robbie's home I have a sense of peace now. At first it was hard to go there and not see him. Christmas was hard, and I am told that all of the firsts will be hard. I am dreading Easter - it will also be the 36th anniversary of his birth. Please please Mike be very gentle with yourself and let yourself grieve and mourn. Shannon, I am sure, is in Heaven with my Robbie and they are free from pain and they are and will be with us always. I remember when Robbie was first diagnosed I spoke to our priest and I told him that I had lost my faith and that I was mad at God for allowing my son to have a terminal illness. Father Bob told me that I had not lost my faith I had just misplaced it and that he would be more concerned about me if I told him quite calmly that it was God's will. He told me that I would once again find my faith because I had just misplaced it and that it was certainly OK to be mad at God - we all are at times. Please take care.
Hugs to you and Alyssa
love Lynn