On 1/18/2008
Hope4ever wrote:
Hi again. My mother had her surgery on January 13th 07. and USC was one of the many places that I took her to get an opinion in regards to treatment after surgery. We saw an oncoligist named Dr. Igbal and she wanted to treat her with Zeloda pills and radiation, which I thought was not strong enough with my mothers kinds of cancer, so we ended up at the Angeles Clinique and research inst. which also works with USC Norris. The first day when I mentioned Dr. Igbals plan to my moms dr. over at the Angeles clinique, she was a bit surprised that she did not want to be more aggresive with my moms treatment and since she offered a bit more aggresive way I went with the Angeles Clinique instead. Anyways i dont think the treatment had any thing to due with the recurrence, because the day her surgen came out of surgery he told us that this is a very aggressive cancer (adenocarcinoma) and it probably would comeback sometime after treatment and here it is again. City of Hope today was also ok , he offered a chemo plan and he said he might be able to give her some more time. but like he said to my mother in the room when she got up to kiss his head from excitement of hearing there might be some hope: FIRST ITS IN GODS HAND AND THEN I COME SECOND. AND how true that is because gods all that i have to rely on these days.
I am so emotionally tired and beat that somethimes I wish I could go to a deep sleep and wake up with everyone around me with a big smile on there faces saying that I finally came out of my year long coma. and then I would look at my mother and the first words out of my mouth to her would be are you still sick or was all of that a bad dream this whole year and her saying honey im perfectly healthy as always and yes it was part of your coma.
but no, im very well awake and feeling all the sadness and empty ness that this disease has created inside of me. I wish I could go inside of my mothers stomach and tear every single cell that is taking my mothers life apart and away from her beautiful body and torch it to death just like its torching my heart every second of my life. But no that is not possible, so what would be the next best thing, then i remember god. He who is capable of creating life is the one that has been proven time after time that will not leave his children alone at the time of need and will give us comfort to have the strenght and courage to be strong on behalf of our loved ones that are going through this terrible experience.
Sorry for the long story, but i needed to get a few things of my chest,. even though when im done writing this, my next though moves over to my mother again and the pain starts all over. Have a good nite. enjoy a happy weekend with your loved ones, every moment spend with a loved one is a priceless present.
Take Care
Cathy