On 3/20/2008
Too Young wrote:
Thank you Col for answering my message. It just helps to know someone is hearing me. Since I have been having treatment for so long so many people ( close friends included ) seem to have lost interest in me. When I was first diagnosed everyone rallied around and now even my closest friend has basically turned her back on me. I know everyone finds cancer hard to deal with but one thing everyone has to remember is that the person who has it, deals with it every second they are alive. My husband has been struggling to come to terms with the fact that I will unfortunately die from this as I am looking ok - good infact. Everyone seems to think you are only suffering when you start to wilt away. How did you deal with your own emotions ? I want to try and help my husband but I really don't know how. Every time I have chemo I say it will be my last but then somehow I find the strength to have another go .... maybe its that cheeky little grin I get from my little boy ! Reading back I've made it sound like I have no support but that is far from the truth - I have had so many friends show true courage through this and be an absolute support. My dearest friend Lee takes a day off work every time I have chemo to come and sit with me and my mum is my guardian angel ! To everyone who reads this and has someone close going through this ordeal please remember just to be there is help enough. I find that even after 15 months of treatment sometimes I just need a shoulder to cry on and sometimes that is hard to find. I unfortunately need some sad answers from anyone who has seen someone go through this as doctors don't know a thing ..... Does this take you slowly ? or can you tell when you are coming to the end ? I hate asking these sort of questions but unfortunately need to know for my own sanity. Love to all of you reading this and keep remembering, as I do, miracles do happen !
Kathy
Hello Kathy,
Firstly let me apologise, somehow this message has been marked as not being tracked and i dont kknow how.
Yes we found the same as you, a number of "friends" suddenly disappered when Elaine was diagnosed, like you I appreciate it is difficult to deal with but cancer is so common that 1 in 3 of us will have to deal with it at some time and sticking your head in the sand is no answer. I can only imagine how it must feel for you, I think until you are diagnosed nobody can start to imagine what it must feel like. I think I went through all the stages that most others go through, shock at the news of hearing the diagnosis, anger why us and finally an acceptance and a descision to try and make the most of the time you have left. Elain found it good to talk to other cancer sufferers, she used to attend a weekly session at a local cancer clinic and found this very beneficial. In my job I found taling to people outwith the family helped, sometimes family members just dont want to hear and are not always the best to speak to. I was lucky in my work that I spoke to many strangers at that time and while talking they would discuss family members and illnesses and I would talk about Elain and her condition. SHe was incredibly stong during her illness which was unusual as she was quite a quiet and shy person before being diagnosed. Her faith helped her enourmously, she had always been a devout christian throughout her life.
I hope this does not upset you reading this, if so I do honestly apologise. When the cancer returned and the liquid started to gather in her abdomen again the doctors attempted one last batch of chemo but she was to weak to deal with it and she was given pain killers, she fradually deteriorated from that point and in the final 5 to 7 days slipped into unconsciousness and I held her hand untill she quietly slipped away.
Take care and keep in touch, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, stay as strong as you can.
Colin.