I too am so sorry that you have to be going through this....especially at your age. You should be out having fun now and enjoying life. Hopefully you will be soon. In the meantime you need to stay strong, not only for yourself but for your dad. Remember that courage is stronger than fear and this is the time to find the strength deep within you to stay strong now. Also rememer that you did NOT do this to your dad and you have no control over this terrible disease. I know all too well as my father has this stage Iv stomach cancer w/ mets to the liver and lymph nodes and he was only diagnosed only this past December. I too wrote an e-mail during this time period on this site because I was so scared. I also live far away from my dad and am not able to see him the way I want to now so my advice to you would be to spend as much time as you can with him and try to find interesting conversations that will take his mind off his disease even if only for a short while. I know that it helps my dad when I try to discuss politics or the weather or how my job is going or my dog Eddie is doing and the cute things that he does around the house. And yes, there are many times when he doesn't want to talk on the phone at all....it is those times when I miss him the most and wish I could just be there with him even while he sleeps but the truth of the matter is I don't know how much that would even help him. I think that the bes tthing is when your father is up for some conversation is to try and talk with him about other things....hope this helps. I wish I could say more but that's all I know to help. This one is not in our hands to solve, only to be there and love.....God bless you and your father as well as yourself are in my prayers. You are not alone.....stay on this site and read the different conversations as I do each and every day and I feel like people really understand and are right there with me.....we are here with you too. Lila.